Monday, December 21, 2009

Daily Life: A Significant Day

Today is a significant day in my healing path. Last week when I went to the foot doctor he removed the stitches and cleaned the remaining dead skin and debris from around the wound site. It looks...good.

The surgery site is close up, the skin is mostly a soft pink with scar tissue (a nice jagged Y shaped scar). The infection has been cleared out. I kept the site covered and bandaged over the weekend to insure the small suture holes had a chance to heal shut - and today - today I can set aside the post-op boot, unbandage the foot, and put on a sock and shoe - an ordinary sock and shoe! In short, the healing process is well underway.

I will still need to be careful as I walk and still need to take it easy, but I can begin the process of returning to normal mobility. I have an appointment on Wednesday (the 23rd) with the orthotic specialist who is going to take the measures and mold of the foot for the orthotic device that will go into the boot and take the place of the now absent toe.

I think I am going to go out today and walk around (just a little bit) for lunch, carrying my cane and wearing my shoes!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Daily Life: A House Made of Glass

It was the first day in a long time that I have participated over at One Minute Writer. Here was my entry:

I would build a house made of glass, with walls of colored frost, a thousand shades, a thousand lights, a thousand imperfect places where I could dwell.

Daily Life: Slowly Healing

Well, I am slowly moving through the healing process here. The infection is cleared (the last sets of cultures have come back clean and the infectious disease specialist is going to discontinue to antibiotics at the end of this cycle, the middle of next week) and the surgery site is healing nicely. It is still partially stitched, but I have a doctor's appointment with the foot doctor later this afternoon and I suspect more, if not all, of the remaining stitches are going to come out.

I've been passing quiet and reflective days. Days spent reading, listening to music, watching television and movies, thinking, and doing incidental cleaning, sorting through the flotsam and jetsam that accumulates in boxes stored in closets. I am periodically astounded by the things I seem to hold onto because I think they might have some future value. I had opened one box and it was full of old computer parts and cords and accessories. I started to sort them and it dawned on me - they had been in the box for two years at least and I had not had any need for them. They made the short and glorious trip to the dumpster.

Because what I went through (the amputation of the toe) was a pretty significant event, several people have asked me what the lesson was. I haven't really thought to draw any great lesson out of it yet - in part because it was only five plus weeks ago and it still needs perspective to be interpreted and understood. There may very well be some significant life lesson buried in there, so penetrating insight waiting to be revealed, but I haven't rooted around for it yet.

The days pass quietly and gently and that is the way healing days should.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Daily Life: Thirty Two Degrees

Last night I went to sleep early - about 9:00 PM. I slept a solid eight hours and woke up at 5:00 AM. That is the disadvantage of going to sleep too early!

I had a busy day yesterday - I had an appointment with the infection specialist (the latest round of cultures came back clear) and then a holiday luncheon with my team from work at By The Bucket on Steven's Creek.

The luncheon was excellent. It was probably the busiest external day I've had in the last month and I am sure it contributed to my falling asleep early last night (and sleeping so well).

This morning was COLD for San Jose - it was below freezing when I woke up, which is very rare for this part of the country.

Today's plan is simple - do next to nothing and heal. (It is the general plan that I have been on for the last month and will be on for the next month or two. In general, I am healing well and recovering nicely from the surgery.)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Poetry: Absolution

She came seeking absolution
For all the crimes she never did
She came seeking restitution
For all the times she ran and hid

She sees the twilight drawing closer
She sees the setting of the sun
She feels the years closing on her
And all she wants to do is run

She made her share of simple choices
Most of which she now regrets
She wants one last chance at glory
Walking on the wire without a net

She longs to hear the bells at midnight
As she dances to the Spanish bands
Watching her lovers body swaying
Waiting to feel him trembling in her hand

On the old brass bed she moves with abandon
Everything she was she left behind
She is lost somewhere inside her passion
Inside the fires of her mind

There are seven stars shining
In the darkness of the night
And the two lives that she lives
Meet in the palaces of light

I have no memory of writing this poem. I was looking for a clipboard today to fill out some insurance related forms and the poem was on the clipboard. It is clearly my handwriting.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Daily Life: Question Number Nine

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I find this question rather interesting in light of the long shadow cast by the last month’s events. But, let me tackle it anyway. I would say a very high degree. Somewhere in my teens I recognized the power of choice. Oh, I didn’t fully recognize it – and recognizing it is definitely not the same thing as exercising it, but somewhere at a young age I realized that I had that power. The freedom to choose, the freedom act – good old Free Will. None of this means that things always turned out the way I expected them to. None of this means that I was in any way freed from the constraints of incidents and accidents. It only means that I made choices – and those choices had results on the large scale outcomes of my life to this point.

Outside of the Ninth Question – I am on a healing path right now. I am out of work and currently disabled, slowly healing. The doctors continue to give me a good prognosis for a full recovery. The infection is gone. The x-ray’s look good. The wound itself is healing. This last week the doctor removed about half the stitches. If you visualize the wound as a Y, the only place that remains stitched is the juncture of the Y. I am now allowed to ease weight back onto the foot which is a tremendous relief. Just the ability to set the foot down and balance on it makes all the difference.

Yesterday, I had breakfast with Tony and Tyrone at the Hickory Pit, then later in the day went to see “The Road” over at Pruneyard Camera Cinema with Tony. (The movie was very close in tone and tempo to the book and was “excellent if bleak”.) Today I took the longest walk yet on the foot – I limped about a hundred feet to the mail box and back, moving slowly, moving cautiously. I am currently sitting, watching the end of Kill Bill Volume II, anticipating a phone call with my beloved T.R. shortly. When that wraps up, I am looking forward to watching the first episode of “Alice” on the SyFy channel. In short, another night, slowly healing.