The First Battle of the Books

Okay, I have paused to take a breather, having run up and down the steps several times with boxes of books, bags of papers, and a desk. I've reached the end of "The First Battle of the The Books". As I continue down the path toward a simplified lifestyle, in fits and starts, I periodically find myself struggling with my possessions.

For those things that I am fond of, like my books, it can be a real battle. There can be a real back and forth. I am trying to pull my book collection down to the books that I routinely use and read, with minor exceptions for collectors items or items of significant value. A few weeks back, when they put the new carpet in, I moved all of my books from the shelves onto the kitchen table. I was pretty impressed that they all fit on the table. All told, there were about two hundred and forty books.

Well, fits, starts, and weeks later I've cleared the books from the table - some of them made it back to the shelves, perhaps too many. Others make it to Goodwill. Still others ended up in the recycle bin. What remains is back on the shelves, though not in any specific order. "The Second Battle of the Books" is forthcoming. As I re-order the books on the shelves, I am hoping to make another cut - again, I hope to cut it in half.

This is a struggle for me because I can look at almost any book and think "gosh, I need to re-read that" or "I may need to look something up in that one" or "that was a good one, I think I will hang onto it." When, practically speaking - probably less than twenty of them get routine looked at. So, this is just a breather between the First and Second Battle of the Books.

Language or the Kiss

I have always found this to be one of the most touching and heart-breaking songs I've ever heard. I have a copy of it on the Indigo Girls "Swamp Ophelia" album, which I was listening to today as I drove around town. I thought I would take a few moments tonight and share it with you as I wind into the end of the night.

Language or the Kiss

I don't know if it was real or in a dream
Lately waking up I'm not sure where I've been
There was a table set for six and five were there
I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair
And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
Laughter like a language I once spoke with ease
But I'm made mute by the virtue of decision
And I choose most of your life goes on without me
Oh the fear I've known
That I might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own
All I've sown was a song
But maybe I was wrong

I said to you the one gift which I'd adore
The package of the next 10 years unfolding
But you told me if I had my way I'd be bored (I'd be bored)
Right then I knew I loved you best born of your scolding
When we last talked we were lying on our backs (lying on our backs)
Looking at the sky through the ceiling (looking at the sky, looking through the ceiling)
I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway
Trying to read the Greek upon the stars
The alphabet of feeling
Oh I knew back then
It was a calling that said if joy then pain
The sound of the voice these years later
Is still the same

I am alone in a hotel room tonight
I squeeze the sky out but there's not a star appears
Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
And I'm working through the grammar of my fears
Oh mercy (mercy) what I won't give
To have the things that mean the most not to mean the things I miss
Unforgiving the choice still is
The language or the kiss

Jennifer Lopez - The Cell

This is a follow on to the previous post, I just thought I would share an image of Jennifer Lopez from "The Cell". If you've never seen the movie, odds are that you have seen one of the many images of Jennifer Lopez from the movie.

Watching "The Fall"

After a longer than expected day I took the slow route home, grabbed a salad on the way, and then spent a bit of time this evening watching "The Fall". It is a movie about a story. Rather than mangle the plot, this link will take you to Wikipedia, which does a far better job explaining it than I can - "The Fall" by Tarseem Singh. I very much enjoyed the movie.

I have a deep love for a good story, and since this is essential a movie about two people telling a story, I was hooked early on. If you are unfamiliar with Tarseem Singh, in addition to "The Fall", he also did "The Cell" with Jennifer Lopez, and he has another movie coming out "The Immortals" (about Theseus). He has a tremendously vivid visual style and his films are highly stylistic. "The Fall" was no exception. It was nice to just sit there and be dazzled at the end of the day.

So, if you are up for a feast for the eyes, I'd recommend "The Cell" or "The Fall" equally, if you haven't seen either. The poster is one of several versions that supported "The Fall" when it was out in movie theaters.

Tonight, with a minds eye full of the vivid images of Tarseem Singh, my plan is a quiet evening with reading and some time with T.R.

A Fine Vintage of Poetry

I can get drunk on the words alone
they get inside me and intoxicate me
fermenting to a fine vintage of poetry

The Things I Carry

As I was preparing to go home from work last night, after a fairly long day, I was joking with one of my coworkers that I needed to start carrying a purse or a man-bag. In the morning, as I prepare to drive into the office, I sometimes think I need to have a checklist so I can make sure I've got everything. Because I thought it might be a little insightful, I thought I would take a few minutes this morning and list out "The Things I Carry".

Other than the occassional incident where I accidently put on two pairs of underwear*, the clothing is pretty routine. From the bottom up - shoes, socks, pants, underwear, a t-shirt, a shirt, a belt, and a jacket of some sort (depending on the day it might be my tan Weatherproof, a Columbia fleece, or a Calvin Klein sport coat).

Then, I start to fill my pockets. Wallet. Car Keys, Change, Flash Drive, Pocket Knife, Watch (depending on the day it's a wrist-watch or a pocket watch), Pen, Employee Badge, Blackberry 1 (personal), Blackberry 2 (work), Bluetooth headset, Reading Glasses, Sun Glasses, Eye Drops, Mints.

Then, my briefcase, laptop, Kindle, notebook, and assorted things in the briefcase that only very rarely actually come out. USB cables (3 different kinds), Blackberry charger, Blood Glucose test kit, incidental mail or paperwork for the day, iPhone 3G**, headphones, extra medications, Rosary, nail kit (file and clipper in a little leather case), extra pocket knife (because you never know when you're going to need one), contact lens case, travel bottle of contact lens cleaner, extra pens (2). heavy duty envelope with blank checks, regular envelopes, stamps, and address labels.

Then, finally, I will grab my commute coffee and any CD that I am planning on listening to during the commute.

*Some years ago, when I was in a particularly frantic mood, I had gotten to work and midway through the morning went to the bathroom - only to discover that, for reasons only know to the universe, I was wearing two pairs of underwear - a pair of boxers over a pair of boxer briefs.

**Wait, I have three smart phones? Uh, yes, I do. The "main phone" is my personal Blackberry Curve 8900. My company does not allow us to receive company email on personal devices and my group supports a mobile application, so I also have my company issued Blackberry Torch. I usually just toss it in a jacket pocket, or my briefcase, for the morning trip. I have the iPhone 3G because, like a pocket knife, you never know when you are going to need another cell phone. Additionally, having owned both the Blackberry and the iPhone, I have differentiated them in this way - the Blackberry is rock-solid tool (with both phones on AT&T my Blackberry drops a call maybe one in a hundred. The iPhone, mythology aside, gets physically hot and routinely drops calls with heavy phone use. The iPhone excels in non-phone or email related tasks - it's a music player, it's a great little camera, it's got the coolest toys and apps. So, until they have the chimera-like iBlackBerry, I have one of each. Next, I want to get a Droid - uh, I'll have to make up a reason to have four cell phones, so stay tuned.

One Truly Beautiful Machine

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Beneath the Sumi-e Painting

I lay upon the couch
Beneath the sumi-e painting
The slowly spinning fan washing
Over my sleep like a water-dream
While you rise above me
In your white silk robe
That is washed against your body
With each passage of the fan
You wake me with your hand
Pressed against my chest
Holding me in place until
Like the water-dream you
Wash over me
Beneath the Sumi-e painting

(For T.R. after reading Li-Young Lee "The Winged Seed")
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Like Otters, Slippery From The Water

On the drive into work this morning I thought about the difficulties of staying inside the moment. According to Google, that fountain of semi-infinite knowledge, I live 11 miles from the office. On an average day, using Lawrence Expressway, it's about a 20 minute commute. You would think that pulling yourself into the moment and staying relatively focused for twenty minutes, while engaged in the fairly complex mechanical task of driving, would be fairly simple. But, as I drove up the expressway, I repeatedly watched my thoughts simply take off.

I would be driving down the road and suddenly solid thoughts would turn fluid and flow across the landscape of my imagination. I came to the conclusion tha t thoughts

were slippery things. Just when you think you have them in your grasp, they will suddenly twist and turn and get away from you. By consciously observing my thoughts I became aware of them as they escaped the present moment.

When I saw the thought had dashed away, I would simply say "Gone!", then try and consider the thought and see what insight I could gain. I would try to find that point where I lost them, where they left the moment. I would look at why they left the moment. I would look at what took them down the path that led them to wherever they were going. I would let the thoughts that escaped go and I would pull back into the current moment.

In that twenty minute drive it would not be an exaggeration to say that those slippery thoughts of mine took off in different directions at least twenty times. They did it in some pretty amusing ways. I would have a trigger thought, somewhere in the present moment, and it would unleash an entire cascade of thoughts that went flowing out of the moment. Sometimes they were slow and subtle, a quiet stream meandering through a mountain meadow. Other times they were a sudden raging torrent that went tumbling over the rocks, all wild coursing and dancing spray. Like otters, slippery from the water, they would pause and then with a flash, be gone.

The moment, this moment, is a challenging place to stay in, even though it is the place where we naturally reside. Our restless imaginations are filled with slippery moments that pause and are gone.

A Dreaming Waltz

I wandered through most of the day today thinking about the most simple of challenges. The challenge of "being here, now". Far to often I find something that pulls me out of the moment - pulls me into the past, pulls me into the future, pulls me physically into a different space. Then I focus and pull myself back into the here and now...and the dance continues. Sometimes it is a stately and elegant waltz. Other times it is a mad jig danced to a furious fiddle. Once in a great while it is both at the same time. It seems like the only time I am in the here and now is when I'm sleeping - and then, often enough, I am dreaming as well.
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