One of the advantages of seeing a counselor, as opposed to confiding in your friends or relying entirely on your support network, is that a counselor sees everything with a fresh set of eyes, hears everything with a fresh set of ears, and doesn’t assume you’ve covered the basics. On Wednesday I made my first visit to the counselor I was referred to by the company’s employee assistance program. It was a typical first visit to a counselor – we did paperwork and then she did the intake screening, where she worked through a series of standard questions and then we talked.
The principle challenge area for me is work stress. To paraphrase an observation from the counselor “my resilience is worn down”. Think of your resilience as a cushion between you and the bumps in the road. The thicker and stronger your resilience cushion the better able you are to ride out the bumps on that road. Over time and under high stress that cushion starts to wear thin. As it wears thin you start to feel the bumps more and more. They types of things that you previously just ridden over start to jolt and jar you. They can become painful. For me, my frustration threshold is reset very low. When I bang into the normal bumps and jolts of the working world I don’t bounce like I did three years ago. I personally found it a very workable analogy.
One of the things a counselor can do is focus you back on the basics. I am no stranger to stress. I’ve worked in a high stress field for years. Perhaps all of my working life has been in a variety of high stress fields. I’ve been through a wide variety of stress management classes and training seminars over the years. A lot of those techniques and tips helped through the stress of the last couple of years. But, in conversation with the counselor I realized there were two very simple techniques that, in my tunnel vision, I had forgotten to use.
The first was so obvious that, when she asked about it, I figuratively kicked myself in the rear end because I had forgotten it. It is the most simple and basic stress reduction technique in the book. Breathe. Simply breathe. When you encounter a stressful event, simply take a moment and breathe. Take three minutes and breathe. Use your stress management, or yoga, or meditation breathing. Just remember to do it. It was quite a realization to me that I wasn’t breathing like I should be and specifically that I wasn’t using the meditative breathing techniques that I know very well in direct and immediate response to stress inducing events. I simply forgot. Stress induces tunnel vision and I think I was deeply in the midst of it.
The second was almost as equally obvious and that is use guided visualization techniques to protect yourself in the midst of stress. Visualize yourself surrounded by a protective field. Visualize yourself as waterproof and the stress as rain drops. Visualize yourself in armor. There are a wide variety of visualizations that you can use, whichever strike your personal fancy or appeal to you. Use whatever works as you try and manage the stressful events. It is another very basic thing that, in my tunnel vision, I was forgetting.
I think one of the main differences between your personal support network and a professional counselor is the absence of basic assumptions. When I’ve talked with those people in my personal support group we’ve never talked about the very basics. Perhaps I would have had the moment of realization if I had. But, most likely, I assumed I was doing the basics and they assumed I was doing the basics.
Additionally, since my stress is primarily focused around work, it is not as prominent or pervasive while I am off work. I very rarely have stressful incidents outside of the work environment. I usually wake up in the morning, run through my morning routines, and enjoy that time. When I finish the working day I am generally very good at leaving that stress behind me, since I know it is going to be there on the next day for me to pick up. Consequently, in conversations outside of work – I often simply don’t bring work up, except for the occasional commentary. For the folks in my support network I sincerely enjoy their company, so work stress tends to be farthest from my mind and I find myself focusing on the good things in life, the things I love, the things I enjoy, the constant state of amusement and amazement that is the very fabric of life.
The introduction of a professional counselor into the mix allows that fresh set of eyes, both as they look in, and as you look at yourself in an attempt to share as much of yourself as you will or can with the counselor. That vision from two different perspectives is a valuable thing. Perhaps it is simple the value of vision from a different perspective. Perhaps it is simply telling our story anew that empowers the insights. Whatever may underlie it, I think that if you are contemplating whether or not you need to see a counselor, give it a try. Worst case scenario you waste a little time and money. Best case scenario you gain a little insight.
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