Ordinary Days, On Confidence and Muses

I am planning on working from home tomorrow - I have 10 one hour meetings scheduled in a nine hour day, so there isn't any point in going into the office.  I can sit on the telephone from here just as easily - and I can wear my sweats.  So, tomorrow is going to be a day of teleconferences and email and incidental odds and ends that I can squeeze in between the meetings.

Today however was a good day.  Had a great conversation last night for about two and a half hours, then slept fitfully through the night, but was mostly rested by the time I headed into the office in the morning. The morning was meetings, a quick lunch (Los Gatos Chipotle Alfredo Pasta at Hobbee's) the back to the office for a productive afternoon working the reporting that I am going to take over for one of my co-workers while she is on maternity leave.

Then, home in the evening, a sandwich, a quick trip to the pharmacy, another great conversation, then a second conversation with my step-father  He and my mother are moving aggressively, with the assistance of their doctor, trying to get into the assisted living facility.  It is hard, as a son, to sit aside and not rush in and try and fix everything, but it remains their life, to live as they choose, as long as they want. I can offer my best advice, but in the end, until they can no longer make those choices, the choices belong to them.  "We must allow everyone the dignity of their own journey.", to use my favorite John-Roger quote.

Somewhere, in the last couple of years, I lost a part of myself.  I think I might have shaved if off due to stress and attachment.  It has only been in the last couple of months, as a result of quite a bit of wall staring meditation, that i have regained it.  Now, I just need to figure out how to describe it. I think, tonight, I would describe it as a certain self-confidence.  I don't know where it went, I don't know how I lost it, but it seems to have come back - so I assume it was always there and I just lost sight of it.

My great conversations within the last two days have been with TR and I've loved every moment of them.  She is an extraordinary lady in many ways - and, in her own words, mere in others.  It is that combination that makes here such an enthralling muse.  A person should have a muse in this world.