I am planning on working from home tomorrow - I have 10 one hour meetings scheduled in a nine hour day, so there isn't any point in going into the office. I can sit on the telephone from here just as easily - and I can wear my sweats. So, tomorrow is going to be a day of teleconferences and email and incidental odds and ends that I can squeeze in between the meetings.
Today however was a good day. Had a great conversation last night for about two and a half hours, then slept fitfully through the night, but was mostly rested by the time I headed into the office in the morning. The morning was meetings, a quick lunch (Los Gatos Chipotle Alfredo Pasta at Hobbee's) the back to the office for a productive afternoon working the reporting that I am going to take over for one of my co-workers while she is on maternity leave.
Then, home in the evening, a sandwich, a quick trip to the pharmacy, another great conversation, then a second conversation with my step-father He and my mother are moving aggressively, with the assistance of their doctor, trying to get into the assisted living facility. It is hard, as a son, to sit aside and not rush in and try and fix everything, but it remains their life, to live as they choose, as long as they want. I can offer my best advice, but in the end, until they can no longer make those choices, the choices belong to them. "We must allow everyone the dignity of their own journey.", to use my favorite John-Roger quote.
Somewhere, in the last couple of years, I lost a part of myself. I think I might have shaved if off due to stress and attachment. It has only been in the last couple of months, as a result of quite a bit of wall staring meditation, that i have regained it. Now, I just need to figure out how to describe it. I think, tonight, I would describe it as a certain self-confidence. I don't know where it went, I don't know how I lost it, but it seems to have come back - so I assume it was always there and I just lost sight of it.
My great conversations within the last two days have been with TR and I've loved every moment of them. She is an extraordinary lady in many ways - and, in her own words, mere in others. It is that combination that makes here such an enthralling muse. A person should have a muse in this world.
Showing posts with label Aging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aging. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
A Better Day Than Expected
Today was a better day then I expected. I started the day with a work schedule full of meetings - five hours of meetings, from 8:00 AM to 1:00 PM, so I knew that I would have to settle in for a long day. I think that is one area where our expectations can come in handy.
Since I knew what the shape of the day was going to be, I was able to prepare, both physically and mentally, and as a result of that preparation the day itself went pretty smoothly. I even managed to finish an audit task that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish this afternoon, and then promptly volunteered to help another employee finish the same audit task, which I will wrap up tomorrow morning. I thought about doing it tonight from home, but decided that I would not push it - it was a good day, I will accept that and move on.
My plan tonight is to read some more in The Pattern Scars. I am about two thirds of the way through the book and probably two or three hours of continuous reading from the end. It has been an interesting story, but it is a little slow and meandering at points. I think that is a risk in fantasy and science fiction novels - sometimes the author just gets wrapped up in describing the world they have so lovingly constructed that they forget to move the story along. To me, it is all about the story - tell me a good tale and that forgives many sins.
It was a beautiful and balmy day here in California. Tonight is simply gorgeous, about seventy five degrees right now, an hour after sunset. I've got the patio doors wide open and the windows wide open and a single fan spinning in the hallway to insure a smooth flow of air through the entire apartment. Even though the weather is so nice, we are still in winter here - and we'll most likely get two or three more rain storms before we reach spring, but the plants, trees, and flowers are already rushing toward spring and blooming. Like I said, simply beautiful.
Lately my dreams at night have been full, dense and crowded. I would not call them anxiety dreams - more like they are simply very complicated. I wake and all I remember are dream fragments. My subconscious is definitely churning in frenzied circles and we'll see if the dreams take any coherent form over the next couple of days. Though the fragments are interesting, like stories, I much prefer the dreams that have a strong narrative center. I guess I even prefer life to have a strong narrative center now that I think about it.
I spent about an hour on the phone with my step-dad tonight. He is in the final two weeks of his stay at the convalescent hospital and he should be released to home sometime around the 20th. He is looking forward to it and he is definitely in much better shape then he went in. Hopefully he learned the all important lesson about staying on his medications and watching after his own health. He and Mom are seriously contemplating moving into an assisted living facility there in Winner and I am all for it. It will allow them to keep their independence and yet at the same time have some services provided to them or available to them.
The whole question of aging parents is a difficult one for me, as well as for many people. My instinct is to charge back and to take charge and help - but, I am fortunate enough to realize that isn't the solution. Yes, I am prepared to give them whatever assistance they need, including moving back to South Dakota - but at the same time, it is not something that you can force on them, they have to choose it, and it would doubtless involve some complex negotiations on the part of all parties because they are not yet at the point where they need someone to run their lives for them, All they need at this point is some assistance - and being headstrong, like we all are as a family trait, that assistance is going to have to come on their terms. As much as I'd like to make decisions for them, I can't and I shouldn't. As John-Roger said, "We must allow other people the dignity of their journey."
Since I knew what the shape of the day was going to be, I was able to prepare, both physically and mentally, and as a result of that preparation the day itself went pretty smoothly. I even managed to finish an audit task that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish this afternoon, and then promptly volunteered to help another employee finish the same audit task, which I will wrap up tomorrow morning. I thought about doing it tonight from home, but decided that I would not push it - it was a good day, I will accept that and move on.
My plan tonight is to read some more in The Pattern Scars. I am about two thirds of the way through the book and probably two or three hours of continuous reading from the end. It has been an interesting story, but it is a little slow and meandering at points. I think that is a risk in fantasy and science fiction novels - sometimes the author just gets wrapped up in describing the world they have so lovingly constructed that they forget to move the story along. To me, it is all about the story - tell me a good tale and that forgives many sins.
It was a beautiful and balmy day here in California. Tonight is simply gorgeous, about seventy five degrees right now, an hour after sunset. I've got the patio doors wide open and the windows wide open and a single fan spinning in the hallway to insure a smooth flow of air through the entire apartment. Even though the weather is so nice, we are still in winter here - and we'll most likely get two or three more rain storms before we reach spring, but the plants, trees, and flowers are already rushing toward spring and blooming. Like I said, simply beautiful.
Lately my dreams at night have been full, dense and crowded. I would not call them anxiety dreams - more like they are simply very complicated. I wake and all I remember are dream fragments. My subconscious is definitely churning in frenzied circles and we'll see if the dreams take any coherent form over the next couple of days. Though the fragments are interesting, like stories, I much prefer the dreams that have a strong narrative center. I guess I even prefer life to have a strong narrative center now that I think about it.
I spent about an hour on the phone with my step-dad tonight. He is in the final two weeks of his stay at the convalescent hospital and he should be released to home sometime around the 20th. He is looking forward to it and he is definitely in much better shape then he went in. Hopefully he learned the all important lesson about staying on his medications and watching after his own health. He and Mom are seriously contemplating moving into an assisted living facility there in Winner and I am all for it. It will allow them to keep their independence and yet at the same time have some services provided to them or available to them.
The whole question of aging parents is a difficult one for me, as well as for many people. My instinct is to charge back and to take charge and help - but, I am fortunate enough to realize that isn't the solution. Yes, I am prepared to give them whatever assistance they need, including moving back to South Dakota - but at the same time, it is not something that you can force on them, they have to choose it, and it would doubtless involve some complex negotiations on the part of all parties because they are not yet at the point where they need someone to run their lives for them, All they need at this point is some assistance - and being headstrong, like we all are as a family trait, that assistance is going to have to come on their terms. As much as I'd like to make decisions for them, I can't and I shouldn't. As John-Roger said, "We must allow other people the dignity of their journey."
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
A Tuesday Afternoon Note
I have had a couple of busy weeks so I have not really had many opportunities to update my journal here. Hopefully, things are settling out a little and that will let me fall back into my normal rhythms. As I mentioned in an earlier entry my mother had a nice little health scare over the last two weeks.
My mother is 72 years old. She was born on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, in Pine Ridge, South Dakota. She is Ogalala Lakota. She went to Holy Rosary in Pine Ridge and St. Francis Indian School in St. Francis (on the Rosebud). She graduated from Sinte Gleska in Rosebud and went on to a long career as a teacher at a variety of schools, finishing her career at Todd County Middle School in Mission, SD. She retired about seven years ago now. Her health has been mostly good, other than scattered incidents. She does have a chronic back ailment that has worsened in the last couple of years.
She appears to have had an acute case of pancreatitis, for which she is currently hospitalized. Last Tuesday she was taken to the emergency room at the IHS (Indian Health Services) hospital in Rosebud, and then after some discussion with her primary care physician transferred to Winner Regional in Winner, South Dakota, where is currently a patient. Since her hospitalization they have been running a battery of tests. The acute pancreatitis is the principle reason she was hospitalized, but she also experienced being badly disoriented - to the point where she has no memory of the first two or three days in the hospital.
Because she is on strong pain medication for her chronic back problem (oxycontin and oxycodone) the doctor suspects that the combined effects of the pain killers kept her from noticing the symptoms of the pancreatitis until it was acute. They have done CT and MRI scans and have ruled out a stroke, so the principle suspect right now in the disorientation is a medication interaction, though acute pancreatitis can also cause neurological symptoms such as disorientation, fatigue, and lethargy.
Mostly I had been talking with my sister (who lives close to my parents) and my step-dad. I've also had other conversations with other siblings and relatives, usually just of the concerned relative or friend nature. Mostly we've been in a wait and see mode. I spoke with my mother over the weekend and she was definitely disoriented.
However, on the good side, she called me last night with her new cell phone. For years she and my step dad have shared a cell phone (since they are usually together anyway when they leave the ranch), but she sent him out to buy her a cell phone since she is laid up in the hospital. She was lucid, alert, and very much in the moment.
We talked for a while about her illness and about the immediate concerns - her doctor is keeping her in the hospital in a "swing bed", a term I had never heard before. It means "When a patient reaches the point in recovery where acute care hospitalization is no longer necessary, but they are physically unable to go home".
My mother started physical therapy the other day as she has an unusual symptom (pain in the balls of her feet) and is having difficulty getting around. Because she lives with my step-dad the concern is that unless she is mobile, if she were to fall, he would not be able to lift her (due to his own health care issues). Depending on how that all works out we will continue the ongoing discussions about potential impacts and long term care.
I will be flying back to South Dakota for Thanksgiving anyway (leaving on the 20th and coming back to California on the 30th), so I am looking forward to some good discussions with my folks and my sister while I am there, just running over the various options and preferences. My folks live on the ranch, about eight miles off the nearest paved road, in rural South Dakota. They have talked about moving into one of the nearby towns a couple of times over the last few years, so it may be time to renew that discussion. We have plenty of options. They have good insurance, as well as medicare and IHS (being enrolled tribal members residing on the reservation).
IHS is iffy when it comes to health care, but it is health care, and what IHS cannot resolve can be covered with their own insurance and medicare/medicaid. Additionally, financial concerns are, thankfully, not a major part of the picture. If the best decision is for in-home care of some sort, then that is the route we'll take. My hope of course is that it is just an incident related to the acute pancreatitis, but I am also aware of comfortable with the course of aging. Naturally, I hope my mother pulls through cleanly and is around for another 20 years to periodically slap me on the head and keep me in line. Time will tell, like it always does.
Other than that, things have actually been going well for me. We are sliding into winter here in this part of California and I really enjoyed that storm we went through. At the start of the California winter I often say "I love the rain", LOL, but I know from experience that if you ask me that question come spring, my primary thought is "I hope this dang rain stops".
On the creative side, I have been working on a short story that turned into an interlocking set of short stories. It swirled around inside of me for a while and in the last day or two the lead character found her voice to tell her tale, so I am looking forward to finishing writing that up and I will post it here for you all to read. I have been thinking about opening another journal on blogspot in order to highlight just my creative writing - my poetry and my short fiction. I have been interspersing it here in this journal, but I was looking through it the other day and there is more than enough to put into its own journal (and I happened to discover another journal or two in blogspot that had taken exactly that approach). It will allow more of a showcase approach to my creative writing.
My thanks to everyone who sent kind words and best wishes and expressed concern about my mother - you have my grateful appreciation as your always do my friends.
My mother is 72 years old. She was born on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, in Pine Ridge, South Dakota. She is Ogalala Lakota. She went to Holy Rosary in Pine Ridge and St. Francis Indian School in St. Francis (on the Rosebud). She graduated from Sinte Gleska in Rosebud and went on to a long career as a teacher at a variety of schools, finishing her career at Todd County Middle School in Mission, SD. She retired about seven years ago now. Her health has been mostly good, other than scattered incidents. She does have a chronic back ailment that has worsened in the last couple of years.
She appears to have had an acute case of pancreatitis, for which she is currently hospitalized. Last Tuesday she was taken to the emergency room at the IHS (Indian Health Services) hospital in Rosebud, and then after some discussion with her primary care physician transferred to Winner Regional in Winner, South Dakota, where is currently a patient. Since her hospitalization they have been running a battery of tests. The acute pancreatitis is the principle reason she was hospitalized, but she also experienced being badly disoriented - to the point where she has no memory of the first two or three days in the hospital.
Because she is on strong pain medication for her chronic back problem (oxycontin and oxycodone) the doctor suspects that the combined effects of the pain killers kept her from noticing the symptoms of the pancreatitis until it was acute. They have done CT and MRI scans and have ruled out a stroke, so the principle suspect right now in the disorientation is a medication interaction, though acute pancreatitis can also cause neurological symptoms such as disorientation, fatigue, and lethargy.
Mostly I had been talking with my sister (who lives close to my parents) and my step-dad. I've also had other conversations with other siblings and relatives, usually just of the concerned relative or friend nature. Mostly we've been in a wait and see mode. I spoke with my mother over the weekend and she was definitely disoriented.
However, on the good side, she called me last night with her new cell phone. For years she and my step dad have shared a cell phone (since they are usually together anyway when they leave the ranch), but she sent him out to buy her a cell phone since she is laid up in the hospital. She was lucid, alert, and very much in the moment.
We talked for a while about her illness and about the immediate concerns - her doctor is keeping her in the hospital in a "swing bed", a term I had never heard before. It means "When a patient reaches the point in recovery where acute care hospitalization is no longer necessary, but they are physically unable to go home".
My mother started physical therapy the other day as she has an unusual symptom (pain in the balls of her feet) and is having difficulty getting around. Because she lives with my step-dad the concern is that unless she is mobile, if she were to fall, he would not be able to lift her (due to his own health care issues). Depending on how that all works out we will continue the ongoing discussions about potential impacts and long term care.
I will be flying back to South Dakota for Thanksgiving anyway (leaving on the 20th and coming back to California on the 30th), so I am looking forward to some good discussions with my folks and my sister while I am there, just running over the various options and preferences. My folks live on the ranch, about eight miles off the nearest paved road, in rural South Dakota. They have talked about moving into one of the nearby towns a couple of times over the last few years, so it may be time to renew that discussion. We have plenty of options. They have good insurance, as well as medicare and IHS (being enrolled tribal members residing on the reservation).
IHS is iffy when it comes to health care, but it is health care, and what IHS cannot resolve can be covered with their own insurance and medicare/medicaid. Additionally, financial concerns are, thankfully, not a major part of the picture. If the best decision is for in-home care of some sort, then that is the route we'll take. My hope of course is that it is just an incident related to the acute pancreatitis, but I am also aware of comfortable with the course of aging. Naturally, I hope my mother pulls through cleanly and is around for another 20 years to periodically slap me on the head and keep me in line. Time will tell, like it always does.
Other than that, things have actually been going well for me. We are sliding into winter here in this part of California and I really enjoyed that storm we went through. At the start of the California winter I often say "I love the rain", LOL, but I know from experience that if you ask me that question come spring, my primary thought is "I hope this dang rain stops".
On the creative side, I have been working on a short story that turned into an interlocking set of short stories. It swirled around inside of me for a while and in the last day or two the lead character found her voice to tell her tale, so I am looking forward to finishing writing that up and I will post it here for you all to read. I have been thinking about opening another journal on blogspot in order to highlight just my creative writing - my poetry and my short fiction. I have been interspersing it here in this journal, but I was looking through it the other day and there is more than enough to put into its own journal (and I happened to discover another journal or two in blogspot that had taken exactly that approach). It will allow more of a showcase approach to my creative writing.
My thanks to everyone who sent kind words and best wishes and expressed concern about my mother - you have my grateful appreciation as your always do my friends.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
And The Currents Of October Continue
Tuesday night I was out for a walk, moving quickly through the neighborhoods to the south of my apartment, when my phone rang. Normally, I do not answer my phone when I am walking because it ruins the rhythm (LOL - though, for the record I can walk and talk at the same time). But, due to hot work related issue I thought it might be one of my analysts, so I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at the caller ID. It was one of my sisters.
I answered. It seems that sometime Tuesday afternoon my mother fell and may or may not had hit her stomach on a coffee table. When my step father got home she was complaining of having fallen and rubbing her stomach, so my step-father took her down to the IHS (Indian Health Service) hospital in Rosebud. My sister, who lives about ten miles away, met them there.
After the usual several hour wait, they did a CT scan and came to the conclusion that she may have bruised her pancreas or had pancreatitus. They gave her four mg of morphine for the pain and considered flying her out to Sioux Falls, SD. After further discussion with her primary care physician she was transferred to the hospital in Winner, SD, where they put her on IV's to keep her hydrated and keep her overnight to run tests.
It is always tough to be half a continent away when things like that happen, so all I could do was send a few prayers up to the universe, finish my walk, and wait. I exchanged calls with my siblings into the night and then fell asleep. Today, my sister went up to Winner. My mother is still in the hospital, mostly sleeping, and eating clear foods. They have her on 2 mg of morphine and according to my sister "some drug that starts with an N, but its not naproxin". They attempted to give her an MRI at the Winner Hospital, but my mother apparently refused to cooperate. (This doesn't surprise anyone as one thing we can be certain of is my family is...stubborn.). So, they are waiting for IHS to send them the MRI, but they do not think it is pancreatitus.
They should have more results tomorrow. My sister has lately been concerned that my mother is sometimes disoriented - but at this point I have to rely on her observations. Since I do not see her frequently, I can only judge by the times when I talk to her, about once a week, and she seems fine when I am in discussions with her. My mother is 72 years old, so she has seen a lot of life.
At this point I am mainly in a wait and see mode, waiting for the results from her doctor, and then we will go from there. It has been keeping me half distracted.
Layer on top of that I had a good hot one at work, a high visibility, short turn around data analysis that turned out to be a pure slam dunk on our part. It rarely happens, but all the pieces fell together like a jigsaw puzzle, and I turned it over today, got patted on the head, and left it to other people to decide what to do with the data. That was also kind of chaotic. So, all in all it has been a fast set of days this week. I think I am going to bed early tonight because I did not sleep too well last night, tossed and turned with my brain running down various side roads.
So, I can say pretty conclusively, it has been an interesting week and October is going out with a flurry. On the plus side, I have been reading the latest trade graphic novel in Bill Willingham's "Fables" series, "The Good Prince", Excellent as usual and I have been forcing myself to go slow, because I can blaze through one of the Fables graphic novels in a single sitting pretty easily.
I answered. It seems that sometime Tuesday afternoon my mother fell and may or may not had hit her stomach on a coffee table. When my step father got home she was complaining of having fallen and rubbing her stomach, so my step-father took her down to the IHS (Indian Health Service) hospital in Rosebud. My sister, who lives about ten miles away, met them there.
After the usual several hour wait, they did a CT scan and came to the conclusion that she may have bruised her pancreas or had pancreatitus. They gave her four mg of morphine for the pain and considered flying her out to Sioux Falls, SD. After further discussion with her primary care physician she was transferred to the hospital in Winner, SD, where they put her on IV's to keep her hydrated and keep her overnight to run tests.
It is always tough to be half a continent away when things like that happen, so all I could do was send a few prayers up to the universe, finish my walk, and wait. I exchanged calls with my siblings into the night and then fell asleep. Today, my sister went up to Winner. My mother is still in the hospital, mostly sleeping, and eating clear foods. They have her on 2 mg of morphine and according to my sister "some drug that starts with an N, but its not naproxin". They attempted to give her an MRI at the Winner Hospital, but my mother apparently refused to cooperate. (This doesn't surprise anyone as one thing we can be certain of is my family is...stubborn.). So, they are waiting for IHS to send them the MRI, but they do not think it is pancreatitus.
They should have more results tomorrow. My sister has lately been concerned that my mother is sometimes disoriented - but at this point I have to rely on her observations. Since I do not see her frequently, I can only judge by the times when I talk to her, about once a week, and she seems fine when I am in discussions with her. My mother is 72 years old, so she has seen a lot of life.
At this point I am mainly in a wait and see mode, waiting for the results from her doctor, and then we will go from there. It has been keeping me half distracted.
Layer on top of that I had a good hot one at work, a high visibility, short turn around data analysis that turned out to be a pure slam dunk on our part. It rarely happens, but all the pieces fell together like a jigsaw puzzle, and I turned it over today, got patted on the head, and left it to other people to decide what to do with the data. That was also kind of chaotic. So, all in all it has been a fast set of days this week. I think I am going to bed early tonight because I did not sleep too well last night, tossed and turned with my brain running down various side roads.
So, I can say pretty conclusively, it has been an interesting week and October is going out with a flurry. On the plus side, I have been reading the latest trade graphic novel in Bill Willingham's "Fables" series, "The Good Prince", Excellent as usual and I have been forcing myself to go slow, because I can blaze through one of the Fables graphic novels in a single sitting pretty easily.
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