When Mara Attacks

Yesterday morning T.R. and I were talking about G.K. Chesterton's "The Suicide of Thought".  If you have never read the work, in his essays, you might find it interesting.  There are also numerous websites that talk about the work. T.R. had send me this link, to the Snoring Scholar:

The Suicide of Thoughts on the Snoring Scholar

http://snoringscholar.com/2011/02/the-suicide-of-thought-thoughts-on-orthodoxy/

Which, combined with the conversation, started my mind thinking about it.

"Every act of will is an act of self-limitation. To desire action is to desire limitation."

Well, that set off, in the course of the day, a full blown wrestling match with Mara. Running the full gamut of my activities and interests and the spheres of my life, Mara probed hard for weaknesses, looked for the chance to divert me from my course, to drag me, kicking and screaming, into the world of attachment.  It was about a six hour battle, a constant running commentary in the back of mind as I moved through the day.  When I recognized it for what it was - it ceased (which is the nature of Mara of course).  All in all though, it was a  pretty impressive wrestling match.

It was played out against the background of a pretty good day.  I had breakfast with Tony, then we went and saw "Safe House" with Ryan Reynolds, Denzel Washington, Brendan Gleason and Vera Farmiga.  It was an enjoyable action adventure piece.  From there, I stopped at OSH and picked up four new black t-shirts, then over to Santa Clara Billiards and shot nine racks of pool with Don (final score, Rod 7, Don 2 - but don't be impressed, prior to yesterdays session I'd lost 11 in a row).  From there, we stopped at Thea Mediterranean in Santana Row for lunch, where I had the Salmonos Piaki, Eggplant Mashed Potatoes, Sauteed Spinach and Flat Bread with grilled lamb, cheese, tomato and spices.  It was an excellent lunch.  After that, it was home for a quiet evening and a great discussion with T.R., where we talked about my wrestling match with Mara.

This morning has been a good morning so far, I slept it, I showered, I drank coffee, I ran my anti-virus scans, I synched my iPod and my iPad (having completed loading all of my CD's onto iTunes).  Now, I am about to head out and get some breakfast, then I am planning on a walk through of Fry's and probably a stop at Target to pick up some incidental stuff for my trip this week.

Dreams of Mara

Well, it has been a while since I sat down at wrote.  The last weekend and the first couple days of this week were busy, starting from Sunday morning.  Oddly enough, it was a very simple thing that threw me off on Sunday.  I am a morning person.  I am normally up and about by 5:30 a.m. or so.  In the winter, I like to linger in bed.  On Sunday, I actually slept late - I slept until almost 7:00 a.m.. From there, I went through my ordinary Sunday routine, except it felt as if I was rushed through the entire day. It felt like I was short a few hours all day - which I was.

Monday at work we were supposed to start the day with the director level meeting to discuss the new organizational structure and the changes coming down the road, but it was cancelled because the director was out sick. The meeting was rescheduled for next Monday.  It was a disappointment, as I was waiting to get everything out in the open at work, so I could start working on the transition.  This transition has not been handled well and it is frustrating to me. Monday night T.R. and I had a great conversation about simplicity and Mara and I went to bed that night and...

...spent the entire night tossing and turning in dreams of Mara.  It was an unsettled night, between wrestling with Mara and thinking about work and thinking...and thinking...and thinking.  Then, Tuesday in the office was mostly pure chaos with an assortment of unexpected things going wrong, getting tangled up, getting lost, etc. Late in the afternoon my team and I had a meeting with my manager to talk about the upcoming change and it got emotional (which I expected). We've been together as a department for a long time and as a result of that there is definitely a strong sense of bereavement and loss with the end of our own little era.

Today was not bad, as far as days go. It was brisk and busy and mostly productive and I reached the end of the day and was glad to come home.  Here at home I am watching a few things off the DVR (Glee and Once Upon A Time) following a long, hot, soaking bath. I am looking forward to sliding into a slow evening, free from dreams of Mara.