Semi-Random Monday Thoughts

Naturally, after I went to bed early last night, I woke up early this morning.  I dreamed last night, but I don't recall the content of the dream, only knowing, on waking, that I had dreamed. I like the still hours of the morning, when it is dark outside, when you can hear the world waking up. It is the perfect time to have a cup of coffee and just savor the moment.

I had a strange thought this morning, or I wondered if it was a strange thought, I wondered if I am entering a midlife crisis, given the assorted challenges I've been feeling at work.  I have been there for thirteen years, going on sixteen if I count the three years I spent there as a contractor.  That is a long time and it is possible that I am simply ready for a change.  There is a change coming, and I hope the end of it is going to be good, but the change is that the company has sold the building we're in.  So that means, sometime over the next year, odds are we are going to move to another location.  I hope it goes well - and I am actually looking forward to it. I really don't like my current office - we are deep in the interior of the building, so that means there is no natural light, at all, in our work area.

I also wonder if that awareness of the passage of time is starting to weigh heavier upon me, psychologically.  I certainly have an awareness of lost time, stronger then I used to.  Specifically, the time that I am often most aware of is the "time in between", that is the time that is wasted in between doing the things that I enjoy doing.  There is a surprising amount of it to me and I am very aware of it.  Still, it seems to just slip away.

Ah well, today is going to be a full day, so I think it is time for me to start my morning by splashing through the shower.  I am deep in Grove Park envy this morning.

Adventures in the Purple Membrane

Sometime in the first part of this year it feels like I crossed over into an alternative - and unexpected - universe.  T.R. and I have talked extensively about it and we've come to refer to it as the Purple Membrane.  The Purple Membrane appears to be a universe of unexpected change.  Unexpected change in my personal life.  Unexpected change in my professional life.  It is causing me to watch the way things are unfolding more closely, from a slightly different perspective.  It is like, as I go through this season of change, I am watching the changes unfolding all around me - equal parts participant and observer. I am learning to simply let things go, to try and accept "what is".  That is not an easy thing - but it is an interesting thing.  I can feel the turmoil of various emotional states rising up in me, and when I become aware of them, I let them go.  Not always completely, not always successfully, but enough that I have moved rather smoothly through the waves of change that seem to be crashing all around me.

Inside John Wayne

I am sitting inside John Wayne Airport with about an hour and a half to pass before my flight back to San Jose.  They are currently boarding a flight to SFO, so there is a whole ine of strange looking people standing in front of me.  I am often amused by the varieties of dress you see when people are traveling - everything from high fashion to ultra casual - and most of that range is occupied by women.  Men tend to dress in a smaller tighter range that goes from casual to business - and that is about it.  Since this is the home of Disneyland, many of the people passing by are dressed in Disney Tourist (which is a distinct style, as anyone who has ever been to one of the various Disney parts can attest).

It has been a smooth morning.  I got a fairly good night sleep, a lazy start, a smooth trip to the airport and a quick passage through security, despite the fact that I had a small bottle of water in my carry on that I had completely forgotten about.  It is going to be good to get home this evening. One of the best things about traveling is coming home.  No matter where you have gone, no matter what you are doing, all journeys are about, eventually, returning home.

Wondercon was pretty enjoyable.  On the last day we saw a couple of presentations (Alcatraz, Fringe and Once Upon A Time), then hit the vendor floor. I picked up an autographed copy of "Y" at the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund booth, then a pair of prints from Pascal Campion (check out his work at http://pascalcampion.com/ ).  Art-wise, it was a good trip for me and I ended up with a couple of things that are nice little additions to collection.

Even though the vacation has been pleasant, I had a tough time shaking work.  I managed to resist the temptation to log on and check my email - I will do that tonight when I get home just to make sure I don't have a cold walk into a chaotic Tuesday. I made sure that everyone had my cell phone number when I left for vacation, so there was always the opportunity for them to call me in the event of total chaos.  That they didn't leads me to assume that nothing arose that created a crisis that could not be handled.

But, to be honest, I didn't like that work intruded so heavily into my mind while I was on vacation. I am going to have to carefully think about that and about the days to come. In many ways I still fundamentally like my job, but I find myself in an environment that impairs that enjoyment.  It doesn't make the work harder, it makes the environment more chaotic and I spend a lot more time trying to work my way through all that chaos and less time doing what I consider to be productive work.

Though at times I hate to think about it, it may simply be that I have reached the end of my shelf-life at The Evil Corporation and it may be time to seek the next step in my career journey. I don't really like to think about that - but it may simply be the case.  All things come to end, so that all other things can begin.  It may just be that I am ending for the new beginning. 

As I've gone through the last couple of years, one of this parts of this particular journey has been my movement toward a more minimalist life style. It has been a journey of peaks and valleys - or surging change and slow contentment. It may be time that I consider minimalizing my career, consider changing it to something purer.  (Okay, appropos of nothing, a young asian woman just walked by wearing tiny tinkling bells, which stopped all conversation and everyone looked to see what the source of the noise was.)  I have plenty to contemplate in the coming days.

Change and Coconut Rice Balls

Today, as I moved through the day, I thought

about the high pace of change lately, it has

at times hurt, simply hurt, too much, too fast,

too sudden, but then, as the laundry tumbled

and I sat on a red brick wall eating lunch from

the Thai restaurant down the street I realized

without all the change, without all that turmoil, without

that strong and unpredictable current, I never

would have landed here, this wall, this day, these

wonderful coconut rice balls

A Rougher Than Expected Day

Well, today at work they announced the reorganization.  It was emotionally a rougher day then I expected it to be. I am going to spend part of the next couple of weeks working my way through the process of grieving, the typical stages of mourning and loss. Change can be difficult. I will write more about it later, but for now, I am glad the day is done. Perhaps I will be able to accomplish something tomorrow. Perhaps not.

Dreams of Mara

Well, it has been a while since I sat down at wrote.  The last weekend and the first couple days of this week were busy, starting from Sunday morning.  Oddly enough, it was a very simple thing that threw me off on Sunday.  I am a morning person.  I am normally up and about by 5:30 a.m. or so.  In the winter, I like to linger in bed.  On Sunday, I actually slept late - I slept until almost 7:00 a.m.. From there, I went through my ordinary Sunday routine, except it felt as if I was rushed through the entire day. It felt like I was short a few hours all day - which I was.

Monday at work we were supposed to start the day with the director level meeting to discuss the new organizational structure and the changes coming down the road, but it was cancelled because the director was out sick. The meeting was rescheduled for next Monday.  It was a disappointment, as I was waiting to get everything out in the open at work, so I could start working on the transition.  This transition has not been handled well and it is frustrating to me. Monday night T.R. and I had a great conversation about simplicity and Mara and I went to bed that night and...

...spent the entire night tossing and turning in dreams of Mara.  It was an unsettled night, between wrestling with Mara and thinking about work and thinking...and thinking...and thinking.  Then, Tuesday in the office was mostly pure chaos with an assortment of unexpected things going wrong, getting tangled up, getting lost, etc. Late in the afternoon my team and I had a meeting with my manager to talk about the upcoming change and it got emotional (which I expected). We've been together as a department for a long time and as a result of that there is definitely a strong sense of bereavement and loss with the end of our own little era.

Today was not bad, as far as days go. It was brisk and busy and mostly productive and I reached the end of the day and was glad to come home.  Here at home I am watching a few things off the DVR (Glee and Once Upon A Time) following a long, hot, soaking bath. I am looking forward to sliding into a slow evening, free from dreams of Mara.

The Winds of Change

I am coming to the conclusion that 2012 is already shaping up to be a year of changes and transformation for me, some planned, some unplanned, some intentional, some unintentional, some under my influence and some beyond the edges of my influence. For my part I am just going to try and embody this spirit:

Be in stillness like a mirror,
and in motion like the sea.

It's probably not going to be easy, but it is going to be a growing experience.  (Growing experience may be code for "hold still, this is going to hurt".)  Those changes were embodied in my day today.

I slept fairly well last night.  If I dreamed, I don't know what I dreamed.  I woke around 5:00 AM and ran through my usual morning routine. Unfortunately, I discovered I was out of coffee!  Once the initial shock and trauma wore off, I substituted a cup of tea and was more or less content. I exchanged text with T.R. and attempted to sneak a quick call in but missed the connection, so I left a voice-mail.  From there I saddled up and went into the office.

Today was a momentous day at work. Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with my boss regarding the organizational changes that are going to be formally announced Monday morning in a directorate wide staff meeting. As part of the organization the remnant of my department, my three analysts, are going to be transferred under another manager. 

The intention is to split the department along traditional lines - one portion is going to be focused on projects, new systems development, and change management. The other portion will be responsible for operations and maintenance and the user support activities. This is the traditional split of many IT groups.  We were, for a long time, the exception, in that we were a full cycle organization - from idea to inception to implementation to full production support.  Technically and operationally it was a good work experience, but like all things, it comes to an end.

My analysts are going with the operational portion of the directorate, and I will be going with the project portion of the directorate, as a Staff Analyst.  I'm ambivalent but curious about the outcome of the change. I am well aware that part of me is in simple change resistance. It is quite possible that, six months from now, I will look on the split and change as having been a very good thing. 

One of the most difficult aspects of my soon to be former position was that split - project work requires the ability to concentrate for long periods of time on a specific task or set of tasks, operational support requires a great deal of agility and the ability to move from one task to another quickly, in short fast cycles.  So, in some ways, I have been moved to right when I want to be, work-wise.  But, at the same time, that isn't going to stop me from being change resistance.

So, today I went into the office and spent the first two hours talking with my team and discussing the changes. We simply sat in the conference room with the door closed and I told them what I knew and what I thought. It was a good discussion and I think that, though there may be some rough spots ahead, I suspect the transition will go smoothly enough.  I have good people and they are professionals and will rapidly adapt to the new circumstances.

There is definitely a feeling of loss though. We've been together as a department, with me as the manager, for about seven years I think.  That is a long time in dog years.  I've had a stable, highly functional department for most of that period of time. It hurts to let it go.  So, I spent most of the day in meetings and when I wasn't in the meetings, I did the best I could to move smoothly through the day and start down the path of getting ready for the transition.  The next couple of weeks will be all about transition.

So, layer on top of the changes in my professional life the changes in my personal life and it's going to be a year of changes. It will be interesting to see where I am sitting at the end of the year, once I've been through the cycle. I honestly don't know, but I am looking forward to it.  Part of the change resistance within me comes from the challenges of transformation on a personal level.  It is going to be an interesting journey. I am going to look forward to see where the winds of change take me.

The Challenges of Change - Part 1

I've mentioned earlier that we're going through a period of high change at work and that it is stress inducing.  The change continues - we're still in a holding mode waiting for formal announcements. I'm swinging back in forth in my moods. Yesterday was a classic example.

I was meeting with my manager who asked how I was feeling about the change.  I have a certain curse that I cannot overcome, so I told her the truth.  I told her that I was in neutral, in a wait and see mode, hoping that the changes would be changes for the better, but that I was terribly disappointed in the way the whole thing was handled. It has been very top down and it has invoked a feeling a helplessness, a feeling that I am unable to influence the change - rather than it being something I am doing and embracing, it is something that is being inflicted upon me.

Though it wasn't my bosses intention (I have a very high regard for my immediate manager and a tremendous amount of personal and professional respect), all the conversation did was get me ratcheted back up again. I accept the need for change. I accept that, as an individual, I can't always influence the change, but when you try and pretend to have a collaborative environment, but don't - that just gets me fired up all over again. For me, one of the great tragedies of the whole thing has been that, through six other directors over the course of twelve plus years, we've actually had a collaborative environment and we've gone through some tough changes.  It has only been with the advent of this current director that the environment of trust and collaboration has been ruined.

I think it is a cautionary tale for management everywhere - a bad manager (or in this case a director) can destroy relationships that took years to build pretty quickly.  Then the question becomes, can those relationships be rebuild after the damage is done?  Who can say, but I definitely am on that journey right now.

As a result of the turmoil at work and a spot of inner turmoil in my personal life, I ended up spending a restless night.  I went to sleep shortly after nine p.m. and managed to sleep about seven hours, but I woke up about four A.M. and laid in bed, tossing and turning for a while as I worked my way through the stress.

I think, when it comes to "bad changes", I am an advocate of the "rip the band-aid off" approach.  Determine the reason for the change. Determine the specifics of the change. Communicate the change and the reasons for the change. Implement the change.  Allow opportunities for honest feedback. Focus on building the "new relationships".  Once we know what the change is going to be, we can react to it and make our decisions accordingly. It is the state of uncertainty that is so stressful.

As I am sitting here preparing to re-enter the working world for the day, I have a handle on the oncoming change again. Unintentionally, my boss send me cascading through the emotions associated with change by wanting to talk about it.  Lets just get it over with.

Changes

As I start the new year it's pretty clear to me that I need to make some changes and then consistently and persistently follow through with them. Oh, make no mistake of it - I've got a good life. I'd like to make the changes to make it better. In order to do this, I am going to need to start doing certain things - but I will also have to stop doing other things. It is going to require active awareness and engagement, it's going to require the shift to another energy level, and that is rarely easy.

There are two areas where I feel this need for change. The first, and perhaps largest, area is the work environment. I've mentioned before that I am very ambivalent about work as I enter the new year. Well, that ambivalence is quite present today, sort of an exclamation point on the previous observation. I am fairly certain that I cannot sustain the current course I am on. So, part of this awareness is an awareness that part of the challenge is me. I need to do things differently. I need to change those things that are within my power to change at work. Shift the energy level up and start changing.

The other area where I find a great desire to change is in how I am spending my recreational time. I'm simply not feeling satisfied with it. I am spending the coins of time, but I'm not getting the pay off I would like to have. Again, I simply need to shift the energy level and start changing.
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All Things Change

I'd previously mentioned that we were going through a reorganization at work and that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've vented a bit about the poor quality of my current upper management (fortunately, my immediate manager remains one of the best I've ever worked for). Well, the "other shoe" has dropped and, absent some meetings to hammer out transitional details, I know no which way things are going to fall.

Overall, I am in neutral about the proposed changes.

I have some complaints - I think the whole thing was just poorly handled, I think it is an example of the tendency in large companies for the bureaucracy to win, and I have my reservations about the new structure in terms of business sense.

I have some positives - I have vented periodically over the years about the difficulty in my job of wearing two very different hats simultaneously (project management v. customer service) and the change will finally split those two tasks out, which is something I have longed for for quite a while. Second, I won't kid you that I didn't see it coming, haven't seen it coming, for the last couple of years.

I initial joined The Evil Corporation as a contractor, and then was lured to take a full time position with them because I found it interesting (something that drives me in almost all my job choices over the years - if you have to work, you might as well do something you find interesting). I spent the first half of my career as an independent contributor in a variety of roles, then was asked to take over daily operations of a transactional and customer service center when the organization had grown two unwieldy to be managed effectively by a single manager. When I transitioned into that role I never quite managed to shed my independent responsibilities and I balanced, sometimes well, sometimes poorly, between the two worlds.

When I initially took over I had sixteen employees - over the intervening years as technology changed, positions went away slowly and steadily, at about two year intervals. Sixteen, Twelve, Ten, Eight, Five, Four, Three. The changes were wrought by changes in technology (rendering some of the work unnecessary) and changes in business strategy (outsourcing transactional tasks to a vendor). I didn't always agree with them, but I understood them. Like the changes taking place now, I don't necessarily agree with them, and in this case I don't necessarily understand them from a business point of view, but I have long said that the greatest risk to my organization was the whims of upper management who simply wanted to do things differently.

Basically, as a result of the changes I will return to where I began, which is primarily project planning and analysis, as an independent contributor. I will no longer be a "people manager". (There will be no change in my compensation.) The handful of folks who still report into me will report into another manager (whom I happen to have a lot of personal and professional respect for), and I will become responsible for my own work again.

I am frankly, terribly ambivalent about it, and because of that ambivalence I wind up in neutral, waiting to see the operational details. Though I am entering the year in a very good mood personally, actively looking forward to the year, I am ambivalent about my work for the first time in twelve years. I'll watch and see how things unfold, hoping that the changes are for the better, doing my best to craft them in that direction, and I will see if the ambivalence fades.

So, we look at the New Year as a chance to embrace changes - that is the approach I am going to take. I am not sure what the New Year is going to bring, but I am looking forward to it.

Waking Anxious

I woke up this morning in a place I don't like to wake up. Not physically, I woke up in my bed physically, so there wasn't anything unusual there.

No, I woke up in a state of semi-anxiety about work. Specifically, I woke up worrying about changes at work, uncertain of the direction work was headed in.

First off, I dislike waking up into the stress of the monkey-mind. That tells me that something is weighing too heavily in my imagination. It is not a pleasant way to wake up. I much prefer waking up well rested, peaceful, and contemplative. Today wasn't that day.

My challenge is this - I have environmental changes going on at work that I really can't do anything about. That feeling of powerlessness is what sends the mind on these long anxiety inducing guests, seeking some way to influence a process or a change that you really have very little influence over. I would not describe the feeling as a feeling of helplessness, but rather a feeling of powerlessness, a basic inability to influence a process.

Let me see if I can sum up the challenge in a nutshell. Of course, like most companies, we being impacted by the recession. Since I work for a government contractor, 85% or so of all our business comes from the federal government, so this tightening of the budget at the national level is rippling through our programs and projects. Consequently, for the last two years or so we've been in a constant state of re-organization, with a relentless emphasis on cost control and efficiency. This isn't a bad thing of course, it was what companies do, so there are no real new surprises there.

The problem, for me, arises in my own division. At the executive level all four of our VP positions have been changed out in the last two years - three of them came from outside of the company, one of them was promoted from inside of the company. I assume this is because at the very high levels of leadership it was decided that we need the influx of new ideas to deal with the new reality. That is understandable. That change has rippled down through the ranks, including the directors. Most of the director level positions are also filled with new people - some from outside, some from inside. So, we have had a pretty thorough change in upper management.

No, the problem arises, specifically with this - by misfortune, I've landed under a bad director. They micromanage, they flail about, they do not communicate well, and they do not engender any trust. And that is tough for me. I've worked for multiple directors over the years - some good, some indifferent, but this is the first director that I would truly call bad, that I would truly call incompetent. However, the director seems to be very good at the political game that is upper management. They get away with things that kind of amaze me.

Now, of course, I am not playing the game of corporate politics at that level. I really have no interest in it, I don't really see what the rewards are. I am content to be a program level manager, running my organization, working on specific projects and programs. My anxiety level is rising because I have no idea which direction this director is going to jump - on anything. I see a lot of activity, but if there is a strategy or a goal, I haven't seen it articulated in anything except the vaguest sense.

I am fearful that my organization is going to end up on the chopping block as a cost-saving measure, or get broken up and scattered about, perhaps with me ending up on the chopping block. Now, the weird that about this for me, the part that I need to explore internally, is I do not know what I am particularly afraid of this change.

I like to think that normally, I am not a change resistant type of person. I understand and accept that change and transformation are part of every day life. I've actually been laid off three times in the course of a 25 year career here in Silicon Valley, due to buy-outs and re-organizations. It happens. It is rarely personal. I'm financially well off, I have some fairly deep resources, and combined with unemployment benefits, it would actually be a long time before I had to worry about things financially, so I am good there. I am actually not even welded to my job - I like my job, don't mistake that, but I've contemplating quitting before, and within the last year.

So, in a worse case scenario, I get laid off. Now, I do have a bit of a worry bug about the people who work for me - I would hate to late them off into this economy, but I am not really sure I can do anything about that. And, I have laid people off before, a lot of people - they're good folks, I suspect they would all land on their feet, albeit a little slower than usual because of the economy, but the economy is in the slow grind of a recovery.

So, what I am questioning in myself is, where is this work related anxiety coming from? Other than perhaps just a basic, simple, self-indulgent, fear of change. I think that is what I am going to contemplate over the next couple of days, see if I can tease anything out of it.

To Fall With Grace

I seem to be moving through a time of transformation and change. As I am moving through this I am suffering. I am suffering with rope burns from trying to control the wild animal that change can be and holding so tightly to a rope I cannot hold.

Transformation in myself.

Transformation in my relationship.

Transformation in my work.

I need to let go of the rope. The universe is shifting, seems to be dropping out from under me.

I need to fall with grace.

And as an amusing aside to this otherwise somber and reflective note - following a series of word related clashes with my ID*, I ruefully told an HR person that, as a company, we have an Ethics Hotline, a Safety Hotline, and a Waste/Fraud Hotline. We really need an Idiot Hotline. My HR responded "we would, but the phone would never stop ringing."

*ID - Idiot Director. May been an individual in charge of idiots, or an idiot themselves, or both.
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Sunt Lacrimae Rerum - There Are Tears Of Things

The full quote is from the Aeneid - "Sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt." or "There are tears of things and mortal things touch the soul."

The last part of October was emotionally laden. At one point in it, I joked, with my gallows humor, that October is a cursed month for me, a time of pain and loss, a time of change and transformation. This October was no different. In time I will tell you full story of the last days of October, but for now, I plan on reflecting deeply upon them for a period of time, to see what wisdom I can tease for them.

I have a tragic advantage when times get tough. I am, at my core, that tough little half-breed kid who grew up on the Rosebud. I have seen sorrow and the end of sorrow. I have a sense of perspective that puts my sufferings in the right order - I may have lost something important to me, but my loss was small compared to thousands of other people who lost far more on the same day, so, even though my days were tough, they could have been tougher. None of that lessons the pain of something, none of that dries the tears, none of that salves the wounds - but it is what it is. Karma. Action. Consequence.

I turn the page, I start writing the next story, the story of October. Life goes on, things transform and grow again. As Aeneas said in a time far, far rougher than mine - there are tears of things and mortal things touch the soul.

The Suddenness of Life

In the last few months I've often found myself commenting on the suddenness of life. As human beings we tend to like our stability and certainty, so when either is called into question it can be anything from vaguely irritating to major stress inducing and life changing. There is a simple truth underneath it all and that truth is the suddenness of life. Life changes, without warning, without explanation, according to its own secret timing. Any dream you have of stability is just that - a dream. However, you'll find that once you've truly accepted this, you can easily roll with most of the things life sends your way.

Recently a friend of mine, who has lived in the same apartment for 20+ years, came home to find his complex had been sold and he was being evicted at the end of the month so they can do a major remodel and jack up the rent (which, as a ruthless capitalist, I fully support). It came as a great shock to him. But, in perspective, on the very same day, an condo complex in Cupertino burned in a gas leak and fire. On the same day, tornadoes blew apart entire neighbors in the south. On the same day, fire burned entire neighborhoods in California and Texas. It's all about perspective, it's all about the suddenness of life. My friend is going to have to find another place to live, but he’ll be moving rather intact.*

So, if you want to have some peace of mind, cultivate a benigh acceptance of the fact that the entire world can and does change on a dime. In the course of your life, your life, your environment, everything around you is going to change, multiple times, in the blink of an eye, for better or for worse. There is an old Chinese proverb that says "in the course of a long journey, a wise man is prepared to abandon his baggage several times". (I have also heard it as "...a long life...", both are correct).

*We did have a long discussion on how it might actually be better to move with nothing, as in the result of losing everything, because essentially it’s a far easier move, logistically speaking.

The Suddenness of Change

Often, change seems to happen very quickly. Even when it is a long time building. I was thinking about that today - my friend T. was fired from his job this morning. It was what I would call half a surprise to him, since he has been going through the process and in and out of meetings and his hearings. (All in all I think it's your basic unlawful termination on several levels, but ultimately that decision with rest with lawyers, a judge and juries.)

It did get me thinking about the suddenness of change though. Even when it is slow approaching, the threshold appears very quickly, often just the blink of an eye as we slip across it. Often, there isn't anything we can do about - things develop their own momentum, they have their weight, they move under their own volition.

Things change. We change. Time changes. Ovid said "tempus edax rerum". (Time, the devourer of all things.) I think that is a pretty apt description of it. The changes that flow along with time are so inexorable they are amazing. Wise men, men far wiser than I at least, say that we should learn to accept, even embrace change. I'd have to agree with that. As difficult as it can be at times, change is inevitable. The sooner we learn to embrace it, to accept it, the sooner we gain the ability to do the best we can and then let it lie, go to sleep, knowing we did the best we could and that the rest of lies in the inevitable flow of the universe.

The Lesson of the New Chair

A little over a year ago the corporation came through and gave us all new chairs. Mine is right over there, sitting in the corner, holding my briefcase up. I never adapted to the new chair. I tried, once or twice, rolling it into place and sitting on it and fidgeting with the adjustments trying to get to fit as well as the old chair, but it just wasn’t happening.

Now, there may be something objective to that – it may be that the old chair is simply better than the new chair, but I doubt it. I suspect it is entirely subjective. The old chair fits because I decided it fits. I became used to it. I adapted to it, just as the little adjustment levers allow it to be adapted to me.

So, this year, I am going to try and switch over to the new chair. The old chair is nearing the end of its life cycle. It is a typical center post office chair and the seals on the center post are starting to wear out. There is a bit of a wobble in the chair. Not a lot, but enough that it’s noticeable.

So, today, as soon as I finish this I am going to move into the new chair. I am going to take the time and figure out how the little controls work. They are essentially the same controls as the old chair, they are just in different places and have different sensitivities. I am sure it will take me a while to adjust the new chair and to adjust to the new chair. Then, after a few days or weeks or months, I am going to slip into the new chair and wonder why the heck I didn’t do this sooner. I hope.

Because though subjectivity plays a large part in our lives, we should not forget that objectivity plays a significant role as well. Sometimes, one chair is simply better than the other chair, the form, the design, the fit, the function – all of these things have a strong objective component as well.

Years ago I had a very good office chair. It was an extremely high quality ergonomic chair that originally was issued to one of my co-workers by the health department here, given that my co-worker had chronic ergonomic issues. That chair was a throne. When my co-worker left the company the chair was still warm when I swooped it and grabbed it, wheeling it into my office and then proceeding to hold onto it for as long as I could. Simply put, that chair was objectively an excellent chair.

So, as I prepare to move into the new chair I want to conclude this little essay with an observation. It isn’t the observation that I thought I was going to make when I started writing. When I started writing I thought I was going to write a small essay on the power of perception and the influence of subjectivity on simple things, but I realized that wasn’t what I had to say this morning.

What I have to say is this – sometimes things are subjective and we can, by changing our minds about them, change the experience of them. But, sometimes things are objective and all of our mental games do not change them and do not change the experience of them. They simply are what they are.

So, when you are confronted with something that requires or desires change, remember to carefully contemplate it and decide is it an objective thing or a subjective thing? If it is an objective thing you would be far better off to simply change the thing. If it is a design and form issue, rather than try to convince yourself you are comfortable when you or not, or try and convince yourself you don’t care when you, why, in that case, just change the thing.