Saturday, December 10, 2011
A Semi-Obsession With Time
I spent another day semi-obsessed by questions of time. I have a prevailing sense that I do not have enough time, or that time is slipping through my fingers, or that I am not spending my time wisely. I am not sure what drives this semi-obsession - yeah, work is a little hectic and I am behind the eight-ball there, but really, almost no more that usual. In particular I have one report that I have to assemble and analyze and I just wasn't able to get to it during the week, and I have another small project where, basically, I am two weeks behind schedule - but that project is low enough on the radar that the only one noticing the slip so far has been me. It is that huge challenge I have at work being caught between the two masters - the short and immediate cycle of customer support and the longer and deeper cycle of project work. We're waiting for the re-organization shoe to drop and I'm hope that I will ultimately end up doing one or the other, so I can properly focus on it.
But this sense of time I have, it is more of a sense that i am not using the time I have wisely, that it slips away from me, that there are things that I want to do that I am simply short on time to do. I am well aware of the element of it that involves choices, but it seems to me that, all in all, I make fairly good choices. It is a puzzlement, that is for sure.
Other than my semi-obsession with time, it was a good day. I slept in, until about 6:45 AM, which is late for me, lazed through the early morning, then met my friends for breakfast. From there, I took a walk through the electronics store, the visited for a while, then ran three loads of laundry through, then socialized for four or five hours in the afternoon, then a dinner of potato pancakes and scrambled eggs, followed by the short drive home on a dark and cool night. All of that journey of the day brings me right here, right into this moment. I can here the clock ticking away the seconds as I sit here in silence, the clock ticking competing with the ticking of the keys on the computer.
I am not sure what I am going to do into the evening here, I think I will see what is on TV, then spend some time reading, then spend some wonderful time talking with T.R., and then just ease into a deep and rich nights worth of sleep. When I look back on the day I see a day well spend, balanced, productive, social and now reflective, so I am not really sure where the semi-obsession with time is coming from, other than - somewhere, somewhere inside of me, time is on my mind.
(The eye image is from http://www.arcus.org.)