It's been a pretty chopped up day. Because of the situation with my nephew, I didn't sleep well last night. I fell asleep at about 10:00 PM and managed to sleep until 1:00 AM or so, then woke up and spent the rest of the night tossing and turning.
I managed to squeeze out another hour of sleep in the 5:00 AM to 6:00 AM window, then headed off to work. It was blessedly quiet at the office and I managed to knock off a pair of objectives. Dinner was pizza with Tony at Mama Mia's (the very excellent Mama's Masterpiece and a piece of Tiramisu), then home to watch a bit of Ghost Hunters.
Next, a hot shower and then the struggle to stay awake until I can fall asleep at a reasonable hour - meaning an hour when I won't wake up in the middle of the night. I am close to exhaustion, physically, due to the lack of sleep last night. So, hopefully, tonight will be a night of rich and deep sleep, with my nephew in my prayers.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
A Complicated Thanksgiving
I slept well last night and lingered in bed this morning until about 7:30 AM, which is late for me. Had breakfast with Tony over at Goodies II on Bascom, then took a meandering walk and stopped for a cup of coffee, a cupcake and a banana. From there, I went and saw "Silver Linings Playbook" which is an excellent movie. A great cast, a sweet, funny, and well-told story layered under the acting (Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Tucker, Robert DeNiro) just made it a truly enjoyable film. It comes highly recommended from me.
A lazy afternoon followed, marked by family calls and texts, then a simple Thanksgiving dinner at Marie Calendars with Don and Tony. Excellent food, good conversation. From there, home and into the evening. A spot of bad news when I got home, one of my nephews has landed in the hospital in another state, apparent in the emergency room. Since he is largely estranged from the rest of the family, I am pretty much the only family member he talks to (though he does have friends there where he lives). It was one of his friends who got a hold of me. I don't really have any information at this point. I had called the hospital but when they rang me through, I simply got dial tone and no answer. I will try again shortly.
His friends have relayed that one of them who lives close by is going to go see him, and I passed my number on to them, so hopefully I can hear something. I know that he has had health problems for the last year or so, in part due to lifestyle choices he made. They have landed him in the emergency room several times over the last couple of months. I will keep him close in my thoughts and prayers until I hear more. Not much else I can do from half a world away.
So, I would guess that, if I had to characterize this Thanksgiving, I would characterize it as complicated. I think that would be a characterization of life around me of late - simply complicated. I hope your Thanksgiving is good, whoever you are and wherever you are.
A lazy afternoon followed, marked by family calls and texts, then a simple Thanksgiving dinner at Marie Calendars with Don and Tony. Excellent food, good conversation. From there, home and into the evening. A spot of bad news when I got home, one of my nephews has landed in the hospital in another state, apparent in the emergency room. Since he is largely estranged from the rest of the family, I am pretty much the only family member he talks to (though he does have friends there where he lives). It was one of his friends who got a hold of me. I don't really have any information at this point. I had called the hospital but when they rang me through, I simply got dial tone and no answer. I will try again shortly.
His friends have relayed that one of them who lives close by is going to go see him, and I passed my number on to them, so hopefully I can hear something. I know that he has had health problems for the last year or so, in part due to lifestyle choices he made. They have landed him in the emergency room several times over the last couple of months. I will keep him close in my thoughts and prayers until I hear more. Not much else I can do from half a world away.
So, I would guess that, if I had to characterize this Thanksgiving, I would characterize it as complicated. I think that would be a characterization of life around me of late - simply complicated. I hope your Thanksgiving is good, whoever you are and wherever you are.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
A Little Bit Older and Deeper In Debt
Another 12 hour day under the belt. (A little bit older and deeper in debt...).
Today's insight - perspective matters.
Work was the usual madness associated with this project. I was frustrated at one point in the morning, but once that discussion was over I calmed down. This project remains the perfect example of why leadership matters - good leaders made difficult circumstances better. Bad leaders make it worse.
I've got my feet up and I am going to wander off to bed to read shortly, but for now I am watching the latest episode of Castle and unwinding.
Today's insight - perspective matters.
Work was the usual madness associated with this project. I was frustrated at one point in the morning, but once that discussion was over I calmed down. This project remains the perfect example of why leadership matters - good leaders made difficult circumstances better. Bad leaders make it worse.
I've got my feet up and I am going to wander off to bed to read shortly, but for now I am watching the latest episode of Castle and unwinding.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Teasing Out The Day
Well, let us see what sort of insight I can tease out of the day.
It was a typical Monday in Cloud Cuckoo Land. Here is one small tribute to the insanity - because of the Thanksgiving Holiday, we have Thursday off. (I am working Friday, but most people are not.) In the first three days of the week, Monday through Wednesday, I would normally be slated to work three nine hour days, for a total of twenty seven work hours. I have twenty one hours of meetings scheduled, not counting incidental and unscheduled meetings. Consequently, in three days, not counting the over time that I working (today I worked twelve hours), I have six hours to actually accomplish anythings.
UAT continues to move at a high pace, though I am already behind the eight-ball there. One of the things I need to go is review all of the bugs that have been reported and forward them to the appropriate group for resolution. Of course, given the amount of time involved, I have not been able to do that. I was hoping to do it this evening, but I ended up spending the time doing a variety of the things I couldn't due during the day due to interruptions and meetings.
Now, on top of the UAT, it looks like I am going to catch another segment of UAT, for another block of the project that some other group screwed up. I tell you, I am getting tired of being the go to guy for failed program rescues. I try not to let the sheer insanity of it overwhelm me, but sometimes I really feel like I am the lone voice of reason.
I will share with you something amusing that happened to me the other week. I was in a meeting with a manager and the manager, by oblique reference, without ever coming out and actually saying it, strongly hinted that I should temper the opinions I deliver and only deliver positive news and if the news was negative, spin it in a positive light. I actually laughed.
I am a fundamentally honest person, and what I mean by that is this - about twenty years ago I made one of those personal vows and that was this - I would always speak the truth to my leaders as best I understood it. I would not shave, slant, or other color my inputs. I firmly believe that the truth will set you free - and in the case of business, the truth is what makes one person or group successful and another unsuccessful.I think a huge part of the reason this project is in so much trouble is because various people at various stages, on a continual basis, have not spoke the truth. This is compounded by the Director, who does not want to hear the truth and generally doesn't seem to care.
It's a challenging environment and I am thankful every day for that stress counseling I went through a few years ago - those skills and techniques have been invaluable. So, I would strongly urge anyone who is considering stress counseling to go - it is well worth your time and the techniques that you learn are very valuable.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
A Sunday Morning Narrative
Yesterday afternoon I spent about two hours doing laundry, picked up an order of honey walnut prawns and combination fried rice from Tsing Tao in Campbell, then circled home and spent a lazy afternoon watching a movie.
I was in the mood for something very good that I hadn't seen in a while, so I opted to watch "Winter's Bone" again. One of the things about a good movie is that they can be watched over and over and each time you glean something more from them. "Winter's Bone" is one of those movies for me.
Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes, and Garrett Dillahunt all turn in amazing performances. When you compare Garrett's performance with his role in "Raising Hope" you come away with an awareness of an actor whose range is astounding. John Hawkes has that same ability.
After the movie wrapped up, I spend some time hooking up one of my early Christmas presents to myself, a sound bar for my television. It was a low cost Phillips one, from Radio Shack. Given the small size of my apartment I really couldn't justify a higher end system. There is no sense in having a stereo that can go to 11...when 2 or 3 is actually about as high as you can set it without intruding on your neighbors.
Then, I watched an episode of "Elementary". After it wrapped up I went to bed early, laying down about 7:30 PM with Orson Scott Card's "Ruins" and reading for about an hour before I fell asleep. I slept pretty soundly. I woke up about 11:30 PM, briefly, then fell back asleep. One of the things about living in an apartment is that, periodically, you wake up for no apparent reason. Every now and then you'll know the reason that woke you - some sound, some passage, some external thing. But, usually, you don't, you simple wake up.
All in all though, I got a good night sleep. On waking, I folded and put away my socks and underwear from yesterday, exchanged texts with my sister, and set up my iPad with iLapse to capture a time lapse sequence of sunrise. Then, a bowl of maple and brown sugar cream of wheat, a cup of black coffee, and I've settled in to watch an episode of "Fringe" as I contemplate the day.
I have a stack of work in front of me and I will tackle it at some point in the day, but most likely later in the afternoon. This morning my plan is a bit of writing (here and in a few emails) and then breakfast, perhaps a bit of wandering, and a movie. I am thinking about seeing Daniel Day-Lewis in "Lincoln", but the jury is still out on whether or not I am inclined to a serious drama today.
I do have a bit of inner work to do, mainly in consideration of my inner turmoil, so I may tackle that today, setting aside some time later in the day for meditation and contemplation. The recent changes in my personal relationships have left me...I don't know how to describe it, but with a certain degree of emptiness. I need to contemplate that emptiness.
I was in the mood for something very good that I hadn't seen in a while, so I opted to watch "Winter's Bone" again. One of the things about a good movie is that they can be watched over and over and each time you glean something more from them. "Winter's Bone" is one of those movies for me.
Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes, and Garrett Dillahunt all turn in amazing performances. When you compare Garrett's performance with his role in "Raising Hope" you come away with an awareness of an actor whose range is astounding. John Hawkes has that same ability.
After the movie wrapped up, I spend some time hooking up one of my early Christmas presents to myself, a sound bar for my television. It was a low cost Phillips one, from Radio Shack. Given the small size of my apartment I really couldn't justify a higher end system. There is no sense in having a stereo that can go to 11...when 2 or 3 is actually about as high as you can set it without intruding on your neighbors.
Then, I watched an episode of "Elementary". After it wrapped up I went to bed early, laying down about 7:30 PM with Orson Scott Card's "Ruins" and reading for about an hour before I fell asleep. I slept pretty soundly. I woke up about 11:30 PM, briefly, then fell back asleep. One of the things about living in an apartment is that, periodically, you wake up for no apparent reason. Every now and then you'll know the reason that woke you - some sound, some passage, some external thing. But, usually, you don't, you simple wake up.
All in all though, I got a good night sleep. On waking, I folded and put away my socks and underwear from yesterday, exchanged texts with my sister, and set up my iPad with iLapse to capture a time lapse sequence of sunrise. Then, a bowl of maple and brown sugar cream of wheat, a cup of black coffee, and I've settled in to watch an episode of "Fringe" as I contemplate the day.
I have a stack of work in front of me and I will tackle it at some point in the day, but most likely later in the afternoon. This morning my plan is a bit of writing (here and in a few emails) and then breakfast, perhaps a bit of wandering, and a movie. I am thinking about seeing Daniel Day-Lewis in "Lincoln", but the jury is still out on whether or not I am inclined to a serious drama today.
I do have a bit of inner work to do, mainly in consideration of my inner turmoil, so I may tackle that today, setting aside some time later in the day for meditation and contemplation. The recent changes in my personal relationships have left me...I don't know how to describe it, but with a certain degree of emptiness. I need to contemplate that emptiness.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Blue As Ice and Desire
A few minutes past noon. I am sitting in my spare bedroom/office, listing to Blondie sing "Maria" over the rain outside. It is a beautiful, rainy, cool California day. I met Tony and Ty for breakfast, stopped at Radio Shack on an errand, and then came home to attend a brief coordination meeting to get my arms around what I needed to focus on for the week ahead.
Other than that though, I am not planning on doing an work today. I am going to mainly just relax and let my brain recover. I think I am going to head out and catch a movie this afternoon, or maybe head over to the pool hall to shoot a couple of games. On the other hand, on a day like today, it is an almost perfect day for just hanging around the apartment and not doing anything.
Music is an amazing thing, with it's ability to transport us to another time, another place, another state of mine with a few bars. I started out today listening to Eddie and the Cruisers (John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band) and that has landed me in a seemingly endless queue of sixties and seventies music on YouTube. That is a dangerous place to be on a day like today. Definitely going to hurl me into a nostalgic mood. (Right now I am listening to Abba "The Winner Takes It All".
"The judges will decide, the likes of me abide..."
I am not sure I could define the mood I am in today. Physically I am feeling very well. Emotionally I am, mostly centered and introspective. Work has been obsessive lately, but I know that will eventually pass. In my heart there is silence where a voice should be. (I like that, that is a good line, I might have to set it aside and do something with it, incorporate it into a poem or a song.)
Sometimes it is strange the things our friends and our lovers bind us too. Promises extracted. Promises given. For some people, a promise is a binding thing. For years I've always spoken obliquely about my personal relationships, not because I am concealing anything but because, early on, when I told her about my blog, when she first read it, she asked me not to write about her, since she was very uncomfortable with any aspect of her personal life on the web. I've always honored that request, and even now I am writing obliquely about her. Are we bound by the promises made in one aspect of a relationship when that relationship changes? I think we are, I think I am.
Well, where ever you are, who ever you are, I hope this day has found you well, content, perhaps even happy. Always remember - the judges will decide, the likes of me abide...
Other than that though, I am not planning on doing an work today. I am going to mainly just relax and let my brain recover. I think I am going to head out and catch a movie this afternoon, or maybe head over to the pool hall to shoot a couple of games. On the other hand, on a day like today, it is an almost perfect day for just hanging around the apartment and not doing anything.
Music is an amazing thing, with it's ability to transport us to another time, another place, another state of mine with a few bars. I started out today listening to Eddie and the Cruisers (John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band) and that has landed me in a seemingly endless queue of sixties and seventies music on YouTube. That is a dangerous place to be on a day like today. Definitely going to hurl me into a nostalgic mood. (Right now I am listening to Abba "The Winner Takes It All".
"The judges will decide, the likes of me abide..."
I am not sure I could define the mood I am in today. Physically I am feeling very well. Emotionally I am, mostly centered and introspective. Work has been obsessive lately, but I know that will eventually pass. In my heart there is silence where a voice should be. (I like that, that is a good line, I might have to set it aside and do something with it, incorporate it into a poem or a song.)
Sometimes it is strange the things our friends and our lovers bind us too. Promises extracted. Promises given. For some people, a promise is a binding thing. For years I've always spoken obliquely about my personal relationships, not because I am concealing anything but because, early on, when I told her about my blog, when she first read it, she asked me not to write about her, since she was very uncomfortable with any aspect of her personal life on the web. I've always honored that request, and even now I am writing obliquely about her. Are we bound by the promises made in one aspect of a relationship when that relationship changes? I think we are, I think I am.
Well, where ever you are, who ever you are, I hope this day has found you well, content, perhaps even happy. Always remember - the judges will decide, the likes of me abide...
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Ulysses - Tennyson
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho' We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.
-Tennyson "Ulysses"
-Tennyson "Ulysses"
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
An Indifferent Lunch
I just wrapped up a rather indifferent lunch at the cafeteria near my office. I am making it a point to linger over a tall glass of water and enjoy the moment.
The day is chaotic at work, but no more chaos than expected. UAT continues at a maddening pace. The project consists of three distinct part and I've got the only part that went on time. Now (and my fingers are crossed) it looks like the whole project might get delayed due to the inability of the other two parts of the project to make it out of system test.
I'd like to see the delay as it would allow all of us to spend more time in test and more time polishing out work. I think the overall project would benefit from it. Actually, it would have benefited from a realistic setting of expectations and schedule way back in the beginning. Ah, if wishes were horses...
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The day is chaotic at work, but no more chaos than expected. UAT continues at a maddening pace. The project consists of three distinct part and I've got the only part that went on time. Now (and my fingers are crossed) it looks like the whole project might get delayed due to the inability of the other two parts of the project to make it out of system test.
I'd like to see the delay as it would allow all of us to spend more time in test and more time polishing out work. I think the overall project would benefit from it. Actually, it would have benefited from a realistic setting of expectations and schedule way back in the beginning. Ah, if wishes were horses...
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
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