Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Sun Breaks Free

The sun found it's way to freedom following our first winter storm of the year, which happened to be right on schedule with the first day of winter. After seven straight days of gray and rain it was nice to see the sun, nice to feel it on my skin, nice to walk underneath it. I made it a point on the drive home to stop and take a walk through San Tomas Aquino River park and watch the rainfall runoff splashing down the river, then came home to a simple dinner of a ham and cheese sandwich and a salad.

We've reached the still point at work, that point during the Christmas season when virtually everyone is on vacation and so our workload slows to a mere crawl. I think I got three email today, all about the same subject. I had one meeting and missed another because I got a doctor's appointment time wrong - I had written it down right, I just got it tangled in my mind - fortunately the tangle was that I showed up an hour early, so I took advantage of the mistake to head over and have a nice sushi lunch.

I am looking forward to a very quiet and very soft Christmas this year. With input from my beloved T.R. I've decorated my tree very simply this year, indeed, I've keep all my decorations to a minimum. I've got a string of lights on the patio. I've got the tree up with a single ornament (a Hallmark Eastern Bluebird). I've got a simple wreath on the front door. That is it, and it is also all I need or want this year. This is a very minimalist Christmas, with an remembrance of what the season is about, the birth of Christ, our savior.

I am starting to turn my mind toward my New Year's resolutions for 2011. I haven't carved anything in stone yet, but I have some ideas circulating inside my imagination. I managed to keep 2010 a simply year, focused on healing. Besides recovering from the amputation of my toe last November, a long and slow process, I also had the second toe surgery, to correct the hammer toe that developed on the same foot, so I spent my share of time limping and healing this year.

I also focused on other forms of healing, starting (and maintaining) counseling sessions for work stress, which were probably long overdue. The sessions have been very fruitful and I feel like I have most of my work stress under control. It's no longer a 500 pound gorilla knocking the crap out of me, but rather a handful of imaginary monkeys picking at things. Oh, every now and then something will happen that sets me off, but the recovery time from the stressful incident is far quicker. I don't dwell on it - I recognize it for what it is and am able to deal with it far more effectively than I could just a few months ago. I've still got a ways to go, but I am headed in the right direction and most importantly I feel as if I have the tools to continue on the path of healing and on a "return to the center", so to speak.

I am looking forward to the New Year and I think whatever my resolutions may be, one of the key components if a more focused internal journey and a more expansive external journey. One of the things I've been contemplating on the internal side of that journey is to focus and dedicate the year to poetry. I was discussing with T.R. and one of the things I thought about was spending the entire year with Frank O'Hara (one of the great American poets - if you are unfamiliar with his work run, don't walk, to the nearest book store and buy or order one of his works, or the complete and unabridged volume, which I have).

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