Today, I Battled Mara

Today I fought Mara.

It was a chaotic day, from the beginning until now.  Let me just run through it quickly.

1. I started the day with a 7:00 AM meeting.  It probably took the meeting presenter twenty or thirty minutes to get the technology to work correctly - and then had to rush through the remaining thirty minutes.

2. I had an appointment for a contractor to come out and do some work in the 8:00 AM to 9:00 AM
window, so I stayed home. Then, the contractor was late - I was just leaving when they arrived, but that through off my schedule for the rest of the day.

3. In order to facilitate the contractors work I moved my car out of the garage onto the surface street.  (This one sounds simple enough, but it is coming back a bit later...)

4. I accepted a software update for my personal iPhone.  It failed.  And wiped out my phone which compelled me to have it recovered and restored, a slow and laborious process.  Fortunately, I had a good and recent back-up.

5. At work we log out test case results in a piece of software called Quality Center.  Quality Center would not work for me today.  It showed that the test run window was open - but it wasn't.  I spent an hour on the phone with technical support and they could not figure it out.

6. Lunch was good - three minute eggs and western cheddar sausages.  All protein.

7. My afternoon meetings moved pretty smoothly and I managed to get a few tickets advanced.

8. As I was sitting there I heard the sound of the street sweeper passing outside. I slipped on a pair and shoes and...yep...parking ticket for not clearing the car off the street on sweeper day.  Fifty dollars.

So, here I am, waiting for the end of the day - relaxed and amused at the battle with Mara that consumed most of the day.

To Be Authentic, Everywhere

So today I read an interesting quote by the author Jack Kornfield. " Imagine you are Buddha in disguise. No one knows but you, but you know you must bring caring and understanding no matter what. How can you accomplish this?" The quote is from his book "A Lamp In The Darkness". I think that's an amazing thing to consider. It's been tickling the back of my imagination ever since I read it.

As we go through the average day we've got plenty of opportunities to contemplate that simple mantra. Not only to contemplate the mantra, but consider how it will change our present behavior in each of the circumstances we encounter. Will we be kinder to strangers? Will we be more compassionate toward our coworkers? Will we remember the importance of our family? Will we be more gentle with ourselves? The possibilities are endless.

Today I had a couple of opportunities to put it into action. Work always brings with it its own level of stress. It's hard for me to stay centered, focused, and present in the course of the working day. There are just too many distractions, good and bad, to make things simple. So I find myself lost in complexity. I can see the simplicity but it always seems just out of grasp. As I work toward being more authentically present in the coming year I foresee a lot of that work happening at work.

In the relative serenity of my quiet living room I enjoy thinking about the challenge of being present. Here, I am present. But, it's much easier, because I can control the distractions. I can turn the television off. I can ignore the telephone. E-mail, instant messaging and text are all tools at my disposal to be engaged on my schedule

What I would like to be able to do is figure out how to carry that level of serenity into the working environment. I may not control the physical on and off button. But I can control the on and off button in my mind. I can decide what I pay attention to. I can decide where my focus is in any given moment. I think in a nutshell that sums up the challenge I face at work. I also face and in my personal life, but, I think, to a much lesser degree. I suspect that success and being authentic in either environment will carry over into the other. The separation between the working world and my personal life is mostly imaginary. I am the same person in both environments. I think that's part of the challenge is well. Because that part of us which is authentic is authentic everywhere. So at the end of the day what I am seeking is to simply be authentic. Everywhere.

I Am Human and Attached

I watched the season finales of Dexter and Homeland today. Both of them are awesome television - it is pretty amazing what can be done with the medium these days.  However, I always say that with the immediate caveat of - whatever you like on TV, rest assured that for someone else it's the stupidest thing they've ever seen.  For what it is worth though, for my money, Dexter and Homeland are as good as it gets though.

It was  typical Monday at work - I managed to get some things accomplished and then lost the bubble of the day to unfolding events.  One of the skill-sets I possess is complex data retrieval and analysis for legal investigations.  It is an interesting skill set and I enjoy the investigative aspect of it.  I do find it frustrating that it is always "oh my god, we need to know the answer to this right away" - so, it is complex requests on short lead time. I lost a good part of the day to that sort of event today.

Dinner was a simple cheeseburger and onion rings, in large part because I was too lazy to cook when I got home tonight.  Then, I ended up spending most of the evening on family phone calls.  Two under my belt, my nephew in the hospital and my step-dad out at the ranch. I am going to try one more in a couple of minutes - my mom was napping when my step-dad called earlier, so I promised to try and call back a little later.

My nephew is starting the slow approach to the runway to get out of the hospital and the question is rising up where he is going to land as an initial destination.  That is a discussion that has the chance to become heated, in part because, like most family things, it is one thing layered on top of many layers of other things. That is going to make some stressful days ahead, so I am going to have to practice compassion for all beings. I have to keep practicing it because I am definitely not good at it.  I am human and attached.

Believe Nothing - Buddha

Believe nothing on the faith of traditions, even though they have been held in honor for many generations and in diverse places.

Believe nothing because many people speak of it.

Believe nothing on the faith of the sages of the past.

Believe nothing that you yourself have imagined, persuading yourself that a God inspires you.

Believe nothing on the sole authority of your masters and priests.

After examination, believe what you yourself have tested and found to be reasonable, and conform your conduct thereto.

-Buddha

The Tale of the Monkey Mind

I seem to mention the Monkey Mind often enough that I thought I would write a little bit about it for those that are unfamiliar with the concept. It arises from Buddhism and is culturally engrained in both China and Japan.

Ann Pizer describes it as "The monkey-mind jumps from thought to thought like a monkey jumps from tree to tree. Rather than existing in the present moment, the monkey mind focuses on one thought after another, and these thoughts distract us from existing in the present."

http://yoga.about.com/b/2007/01/18/quieting-the-monkey-mind.htm

The monkey mind, at least my monkey mind, is capable of evoking some pretty powerful emotions that have no correspondence to the current moment, sometimes no correspondence to the real world at. They can be entirely thought-constructs. If you have ever had an imaginary argument with someone about something that never happened and most likely never will happen, then you have felt that monkey mind at work.

There are a lot of other places the monkey mind likes to jump out of. If you are in a relationship and struggling with the battles of a past relationship, that is the monkey mind. If you are at work and bearing the wounds of a previous job, that is the monkey mind. If you see something you don't like in one time and space and then carry it into the next time and space, that is the monkey mind. The monkey mind loves to pull you from the present by distracting you with the not present.

Personally, a huge step for me has been recognizing the monkey mind and simply knowing that it is there. Knowing it is there is a good step toward working its way toward the true experience of the present.