A Small Branch

I saw Terence Malick's "Tree of Life" today over at CineArts. I enjoyed it - though it is not for everyone, it is a visually rich tapestry which unveils a powerful story. If you're expecting normal Hollywood fare, you'll be disappointed, but if you're open to the experience, I can recommend the movie.

Inspired by it, let me just quickly illuminate the branches of my tree today.
-Breakfast a bowl of Total, with milk and a cup of black coffee.
-I watched two episodes of "The Dresden Files" on DVD (Harry Dresden is a great character).
-I drove up to the Comcast office and picked up a new controller/DVR box.
-I drove into the office and picked up some paperwork, talked to my analysts, and then returned a couple of phone calls.
-I had lunch with D.R. at Sneha on Lawrence (excellent Indian buffet).
-I drove to the wrong theater (Camera 7) to see the movie, but fortunately had enough time that I was able to drive over to the right theater (CineArts).
-I saw "The Tree of Life".
-I had an early dinner with Tony at Mama Mia's on Hamilton (pizza, chased by a piece of Tiramisu).
-I came home and got my new controller/DVR all set up and programmed.
-I got my new work laptop (a sweet little HP with I5's) set up to connect to my home network.
-I went online to work and rooted through the email (about thirty), handling some, sorting others.
-I spent slid gently into the evening with T.R.
-I wrote this entry.

The Tree of my Life had some active branches today, but it is a three day weekend ahead of me and I am looking forward to moving through it slow and easily.

Daily Life: Wounded in a Dream and A Confused Morning

I woke up from a particularly graphic dream last night. In the dream I had a series of wounds on my left leg. Two of them were long and shallow. The third was a deep wound in the lower left leg, from the front, an inch or two to the right of the shin, penetrating deeply into the calf. It was about four inches long and bleeding badly in the dream. I was sitting on a bench, it seemed like in a hospital, and pressing gauze compresses against it. They were instantly soaked through with a dark red blood. Someone was standing next to me and handing me a new compress as each one in turn became saturated. In the dream I was not in pain, nor was I particularly worried. The bleeding was serious, but not yet life threatening. Pain was present, but not overwhelming. It was a strange dream - but it was a very "matter of fact" dream.

From there, I woke into a beautiful California morning. I had slept last night with the windows in the bedroom wide open, so the morning sky was just turning that pale shade of blue that heralds dawn. I took a shower and had some breakfast and then drove into work. For some reason there was heavy traffic at the coffee shop where I stopped for a Danish on the way in. It was one of those things where I noticed the high volume of customers after I pulled in the parking lot - otherwise I would have just thought about it and kept going.

The morning commute was mostly quiet. I was listening to Melissa Etheridge on the CD player and just thinking about the day. My monkey mind was dancing along between random imaginary and unrelated things pretty much all the way into the office. Once in the office things settled into an unusually confused and chaotic morning. I went through a series of morning meetings where the participants were trying to recall the answers to questions asked and answer some months ago. The answers were found but there was just a general sense of confusion to the questions, largely due to the complexity of the questions themselves. At one point I joked that we needed a giant white piece of butcher paper and crayons and that might help us keep track of all the decision trees we went through. I like computers, I think they are great information and data processing machines, but there are times when a picture drawn on a piece of paper conveys the sense of something far more quickly that all the data points and diagrams in the working world.

After the mornings meetings I went over the Sneha, an Indian buffet, and had lunch with my friend Don. We had a good lunch. Sneha used to be Sneha, then it was the Grand Indian Buffet, and now it is back to Sneha, but as near as I can tell it is the same restaurant with the same staff and the same food. The main entre for me at lunch was chicken Marsala and a cold noodle dsih with green onions and peppers that was excellent. I had a few other bits and pieces from the buffet. Then, I drove back to work.

The afternoon has been mostly quiet, which was excellent, as it enabled me to work through my backlog of requests and pull it down to the sum total of eight outstanding items - and I think I will be able to take a couple of more off the list before I wrap the day up in about two hours.

Daily Life: Friday Spins Stressful

Today started out pretty smoothly. I got a good night sleep, I ate a good breakfast, had my morning coffee, logged on and watched chat for a while, then drove into work. Traffic was light and it was a truly beautiful morning here. I got into the office and dove right in…

There was where I went wrong. I was trying to do to much to fast. I unintentionally started building my own stress level up. After about two hours I realized that it was quickly becoming a very stressful day.

So I stopped. I took a deep breath. I took another deep breath. I went for a walk inside of the building. I came back and went to a pair of teleconferences. I called one of my key customers and asked for a little time - he agreed without hesitation. Now, an hour or so after realizing my stress level was sky rocketing - I am settled back down to normal.

I am going to go out to the Sneha Indian Buffet on Lawrence for lunch in about twenty minutes. The food there is very good so I am looking forward to it. Then, I am going to come back to the office and try to make some more headway against my workload - but I am going to do in calmly, clearly and focused.

It amazes me sometimes the amount of stress we ultimately inflict on ourselves.

Waking Cranky

I woke up this morning and I was muddled. My monkey mind was spinning a dozen thoughts around and once and I was on the verge of being cranky - I slipped into crankiness at a few points as I went through the morning. I don't think there was any real justification for it, it just was.

There were specific triggers, but they were incidental things - I watched myself as I bumped into them and felt the crankiness spinning up. I focused and pushed my way through it. As I hit each trigger event I stopped, I took a deep breath, and I made it a point to DO something about it. It did not necessarily relieve the crankiness, but it did make the apparent point of the crankiness pointless.

There was a redemptive moment, a phone call, a voice mail, an image that cascaded into other images and served in part to reset the morning. But, the morning has continued at the verge of being a cranky day. It is the crankiness of things undone that need to be done. It is the crankiness of the unsettled things in life. As each arises, they are sorted into those that can be done and those that cannot be done at this time (this space, this place, this influence).

I am going to lunch shortly, the Grand Indian Buffet, and I hope the crankiness falls aside in the comfort of friends and good food and the cleansing wash of the California rain.