Saturday, November 17, 2012

Blue As Ice and Desire

A few minutes past noon.  I am sitting in my spare bedroom/office, listing to Blondie sing "Maria" over the rain outside.  It is a beautiful, rainy, cool California day. I met Tony and Ty for breakfast, stopped at Radio Shack on an errand, and then came home to attend a brief coordination meeting to get my arms around what I needed to focus on for the week ahead.

Other than that though, I am not planning on doing an work today.  I am going to mainly just relax and let my brain recover.  I think I am going to head out and catch a movie this afternoon, or maybe head over to the pool hall to shoot a couple of games.  On the other hand, on a day like today, it is an almost perfect day for just hanging around the apartment and not doing anything.

Music is an amazing thing, with it's ability to transport us to another time, another place, another state of mine with a few bars.  I started out today listening to Eddie and the Cruisers (John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band) and that has landed me in a seemingly endless queue of sixties and seventies music on YouTube.  That is a dangerous place to be on a day like today.  Definitely going to hurl me into a nostalgic mood.  (Right now I am listening to Abba "The Winner Takes It All".

"The judges will decide, the likes of me abide..."

I am not sure I could define the mood I am in today. Physically I am feeling very well. Emotionally I am, mostly centered and introspective.  Work has been obsessive lately, but I know that will eventually pass. In my heart there is silence where a voice should be.  (I like that, that is a good line, I might have to set it aside and do something with it, incorporate it into a poem or a song.)

Sometimes it is strange the things our friends and our lovers bind us too. Promises extracted. Promises given. For some people, a promise is a binding thing. For years I've always spoken obliquely about my personal relationships, not because I am concealing anything but because, early on, when I told her about my blog, when she first read it, she asked me not to write about her, since she was very uncomfortable with any aspect of her personal life on the web.  I've always honored that request, and even now I am writing obliquely about her.  Are we bound by the promises made in one aspect of a relationship when that relationship changes?  I think we are, I think I am.

Well, where ever you are, who ever you are, I hope this day has found you well, content, perhaps even happy. Always remember - the judges will decide, the likes of me abide...

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