Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Ballad Of Fay - Or - Bondage Nurse (Rescue Me)

On Sunday, while in chat, chat went off on one of those riffs that chat is capable of taking.  The riff centered around one of the regulars super-power and secret identity...as Bondage Nurse.  Combined with the approach of tropical storm Fay, the room piled on detail after detail until I was laughing so hard my sides hurt. I could not shake the idea from my mind and so, over the last couple of days, wrote this folk song for SeaSprite - and for everyone else who participating in a memorable Sunday chat.

The Ballad of Fay - Or - Bondage Nurse (Rescue Me)

Somewhere in the gulf a mighty storm starting turning
Spinning around and around those warm waters churning
The satellites saw it growing and NOAA sent a plane
They said there's a big storm coming it's gonna hit like a train

Every eye was turned to the TV, watching the Weather Show
Folks braced themselves for the worst, said watch this one blow
And somewhere out there our heroine sitting quiet by her pool
And somewhere out there our heroine looking calm and cool

Well that big storm came roaring in, sluicing over the Keys
The tide kept on rising and the floods did what they please
The best and the brightest gathered round ready to leap
And somewhere out on old Longboat Key the water got too deep

Well she finished her glass of tea and slipped into her rescue gear
On the chopper that picked her up the crew knew they had nothing to fear
He was pinned in the wreckage of his hotel, all tangled up and bruised
He looked up with eyes wild and wide as into his vision she cruised

With a rush and a roar the rescue chopper lowered her on cue
And every jaw dropped wide open as she hovered into view
She was wearing nurses whites her cape billowed in the wind
Two sizes to small one button to far she was showing all her skin

Her stockings were white lace, her CFM pumps gliding along
Her garters flashing in the falling rain, her legs gleaming and strong
Why her lip gloss was perfect and her curls formed a halo
And the swish of her whip was heard round the world don't you know

The stringer with the camera sent the feed to WWSB
It was picked up by the networks and sent for the whole world to see
As she strode to the rescue in that amazing slow motion
As she whipped out her bottle of Mango Rescue Lube and Lotion

All the switchboards lit up, everybody hitting nine one one
See the storm was a bust, it was over before it was done
But the disaster everyone remembers followed right behind
As the world watched in slow motion her costume struck 'em blind

Every red-blooded man from Tampa to Marathon Key
Was suddenly lying there crying "Bondage Nurse, come rescue me!"
Thousands of men pinned under palm fronds desperate in need
Suddenly lying there crying "Bondage Nurse, come rescue me!"
Every red-blooded man (and some of the women) all down the Keys
Suddenly lying there crying "Bondage Nurse, come rescue me!"

"Oh please Bondage nurse rescue me!"
"Oh please Bondage nurse come rescue me!"

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