The 100th Hurts

I hate failing so much that if I am successful 99 times out of 100, I can focus almost exclusively on the 100^th time, the one time I failed, even though the 99 other times were successful. It is a trait that makes me very hard on myself. Whenever I fail, I try to figure out why then try to alter my behavior to make sure that I don’t fail again. But I am human, I have my failures and my frailties. They hurt.

I struggled today to succeed on the project that I have been nurturing along for the last couple of weeks.  We are going live starting tomorrow morning with the final go live Tuesday, when the conversion of some 9,000 plus records are updated.  There have been about twenty total requirements related to the project and we had to negotiate some of them away, simply because the technology (and money) were not there.  We are going to go live with about a ninety percent solution – successful in nearly any book, but frustrating to me because it wasn’t one hundred.

I struggled today with my personal relationship because I failed to meet an expectation and an obligation in a place where I have failed before. That hurt her and that hurt me. I am going to bed tonight with a heavy heart over the incident.  99 out of 100.  And the 100^th hurts.