Friday, March 30, 2012


There was a time when I led a life that was relatively uncensored. I was what I was - nothing more and nothing less.  Somehow, in the course of the last couple of years, I have found myself censoring myself more often then before. In my personal life, in my professional life.  I seem to be struggling to find a balance point.

There are risks involved in being uncensored.  The risk that you will be hurt. The risk that honesty will cause problems.  The desire to smooth out the social edges and the desire to not put yourself into a position where you can be hurt.  All of these are reasons, and there are many more, for us to censor ourselves.

But, in the end, when we live a censored life, who wins? Frankly, most of the people you censor yourself for could care less. We are the core of our own lives, but we are rarely the core of other peoples lives. We are, at best, a peripheral event that rises in significance and falls.  So, when we censor ourselves to smooth the edges, we run the risk of losing our center.  We run the risk of becoming that which we are not.

I haven't got any answers today. I only have the observation. There was a time when I led a life that was relatively uncensored.  Now, when I find myself censoring myself, I find that the core of me has been drifting.  I can see it, especially, in the lack of creative writing that I do.  I once reveled in the joy of creation, in the joy of writing, in drawing, in playing my guitar.  I am still thrilled by the act of creation, but I don't do it as often.  I make other choices. Those choices are farther from my core.  At my core, I love to create. The censor is always the enemy of the creator.

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