Tuesday, October 2, 2012

An Auto-Pilot Day

I didn't sleep well last night, in part due to the heat (we have been in the nineties for the last couple of days and last night it didn't cool off until early in the morning0, in part to the attachment of the monkey-mind, in part due to the currents of emotions that rolled through me.  I fell asleep, fitfully, about 10:00 PM, and then woke at 2:00 AM.  After tossing and turning for a while, I read a few chapters in "Zero History" and then managed to fall back asleep for an hour or two.

Then, due to lack of sleep and the monkey mind, I moved through most of the day on auto-pilot.  It took me about an hour to get started, once I had arrived at the office.  I managed to get about an hours worth of prep time in before I entered a long cycle of meetings that ran from 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM. The meetings went rather smoothly, though, largely pointlessly. I made a little headway in the final meeting of the day, so that counted.

From there, I headed home in the heat of the day.  A burrito for dinner, then an episode of "Haven", an attempted nap, then back up and now I am watching the season premiere of "Once Upon A Time" off the DVR.  I've got a few more programs on the DVR to watch tonight, or, once it cools down a bit I might return to reading some more of "Zero History".

I guess, in some ways, today is a Day One for me. Like all such Day One's, I am not really sure what to make of it.  I am certain that, at some level, I am holding myself in check psychologically, letting things surface to be dealt with one at a time, trying to control the flow.  Control of course is an illusion, but we certainly have the ability to influence the course of events by how we perceive of them, by how we interpret them. If we do not attach to them, they do not push and pull us around. We watch them as they flow by.

And oh, crap that reminds me. I've mentioned before, in other seasons, that October seems to be an emotionally laden month for me. It didn't escape my eye that yesterday was the 1st of October - which extends the influence of the month into yet another year.  I could write a novel about October. That, actually, might be an interesting tale. A lot of significant things have happened to me in October over the years.

Monday, prior to the unfolding of the day, I had an insight, and the insight was that I needed to "Break Free" from some of the things that I had bound myself with.  That phrase has been running through my day, and through my brain.

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