Monday, October 8, 2012

As Smoothly As I Can

I am settling into a quiet night here at home. The plan, if it counts as one, is to watch an episode of "Bones", and then maybe something else. Another program on the TV or DVR, perhaps some more reading in Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine.

On the emotional front, my emotions continue to crash up and down as I try move gradually toward some closure. Closure is never an easy thing - communication helps - but when relationships stutter, stumble, and fall, often effective communication ends and closure becomes more difficult, in large part due to the unanswered questions. 

So, even as we move toward closure I am trying to keep the lines of communication open, at least from my side, in part to help her through it, if she needs it, and in part to help me through it.  Each cycle of communication we have, as we move forward, does bring me closure and for that I am thankful.

The practice of zen non-attachment helps, each day, as I move through the day.  It helps to pull me back into the moment and focus me, which is what I need.  I have a lot of distance to cover I think, but I have the time to cover it.

Work continues to be problematic, today was definitely a Monday, and I've got way too many things moving in way to many directions.  The strangeness of the whole thing is - when it rains it pours.  Sometimes I think stress moves through the universe in unseen waves, washing over us, ebbing and rising according to some unknown tidal schedule.  Tonight, I am going to let it ebb and move into the evening as smoothly as I can.

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